Smash Institute
by Kirby'sSquire
Summary: The Smashers are back...sorta. After the whole Tabuu thing, every Brawler was "drafted" into a Special Military Operations school, with drills and math and...yeah. So, after four years, they learn that the roster is increasing to 50! Not everyone is welcome, however, and the school is soon filled with chaos. And yet, before they know it, several age old enemies appear...
1. Chapter 1

**Me: FUCKING COMPUTER! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!**

**Mario(talking to whoever is reading this): Uh, hey. Listen, I know that he hasn't been updating for a while, but we're having some technical difficulties, plus he's lazy.**

**Me: AM NOT!**

**Link: Are so!**

**Me: What do you know, you're an elf!**

**Link: Hylian. Totally different.**

**Me: Green clothes, pointy ears, lives in a tree, has a fairy, uses magic, ELF.**

**Lucario: Well, we haven't been able to access the net for a while, and he's been lazy quite a bit too. As a result, we were forced to re-upload many chapters.**

**Me: I'm back, baby!**

* * *

Smash Institute The Smashers are back...sorta. After the whole Tabuu thing, every Brawler was "drafted" into a Special Military Operations  
school, with drills and math and...yeah. So, after four years, they learn that the roster is increasing to 50! Not everyone is welcome, however, and the school is soon filled with chaos. And yet, before they know it, several age old enemies appear...  
Chapter 1: The Newbies

Fifteen newbies. Fifteen! The Brawlers had hardly believed such a thing would happen. Then again, it wasn't that much of a step up from the previous 13 newbies.

Everyone, except Kirby, was already in the classroom. Most had sat with others from their own Universes, and all were chatting about the fifteen new desks and who would be sitting in them. Several spots had been reserved for the newbies that the veterans knew were coming. Meta Knight actually had two signs with "Reserved" written on them placed on the desks to his left and back.

"I can't believe it! Three more Smashers from Mobius! All good pals, too!" Sonic could hardly contain himself. "Who's friendless now, Snake?"

"Shut it.", was the reply. Snake and Sonic, being "Third Partiers" were rivals from the moment they met. Now Sonic had three people to back him up. Snake had no one, and Sonic just HAD to rub it in.

"So, who do we know is joining?", asked the sheepish Lucas.

"Waluigi, Daisy, Krystal, Gallade, Tails, Knuckles, Blaze, and some guy named Joe", Peach said.

"That's Knuckle Joe!", said a somewhat familiar voice. Everyone turned to see a little guy, about Meta Knight's size, standing at the door. Ness broke the somewhat short silence with a tiny 'meep'.

Wario spoke first. "Isn't he an Assister?"

"Not anymore tubby!" Dedede chuckled; he was used to Joe *That's Knuckle Joe!* *Shut up I'm narrating!* calling him tubby. "Now I'm the real deal! Oh, and by the way, YOU just made my list!"

"All he did was ask a question.", Samus said.

"Good point. YOU'RE on it too!", he said giving her a smirk.

"Nice to see you haven't changed Joe.", Meta Knight said, holding out a hand.

knuckle Joe *There, happy?* *Very!* took it and then leaned closer. "All set?", MK Whispered.

"It's in the bag. But just one thing..." He leaned right up to Meta until it looked like they were about to kiss. "IT'S KNUCKLE JOE!", he screamed. Meta Knight fell backwards, as did Lucas, Toon Link, regular Link, Zelda, Dedede, and, of all people, Marth. Everyone who didn't fall soon did, doubling over with laughter, except Wario, who seemed to be in shock from this random nobody calling him fat. Knuckle Joe poked him in the gut, but Wario didn't respond. "Oh no, I've broke the big bad tough guy!", he said sarcastically.

More knee slapping laughter, even though it wasn't that funny. Just then, two more figures appeared in the doorway.

"Daisy!"

"Peach"

The two ran towards each other, embracing each other hopping up and down, screeching all the while.

"Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop!", screamed Fox and Wolf, whose canine ears simply couldn't handle it.

Peach stopped screaming when she noticed who the other person was, making Daisy do the same. Wario also snapped out of it. "Waluigi!", he said.

"Wario!" Waluigi walked over and sat down in the desk next to his bud, smiling his trademark smirk.

Suddenly the class was lively again, Captain Falcon hitting on Daisy, Luigi punching out CF, Wario and Waluigi planning a money-making scam, Bowser laughing at CF, Sonic hopping around like a rabbit for whatever reason, and the Lylat canines testing their eardrums. Suddenly, the sound of a propeller could be heard, and Sonic knew who that was. Within a minute Tails, Knuckles, and Blaze rushed in the door. "Sonic!", they screamed in sync.

"Yahoo! Together again at last!", he screamed as they crowded around him. Suddenly, Sonic felt something in the air. "You didn't." They all averted his gaze. "Please tell me you didn't! Tails, buddy! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T LET HER ENROLL!"

"Nope.", Tails said with a wiry smile.

"Oh thank GOD!", he sighed.

"She was drafted." Tails then ducked out of the way as Sonic lunged at him, attempting to wring his neck.

"Now now Sonic. There's a good reason they drafted ME."

Sonic swallowed hard with an all too audible GULP. His head turned only to see the face of...

"AMY!", he screamed as if Leather Face had jumped out of a movie to kill him. "What the heck are you doing here?!"

"They told Tails that you were out of control last year, and when he mentioned how I'm the only one who can keep you in line..."

"Tails!", he screamed, lunging straight for the fox's throat, when BAM! Amy hit him square in the face with her Piko Piko hammer. Now that's something you don't see everyday: an unconcios hedgehog.

Everyone just stared. Sonic's speed was impossible for any other Smasher to handle, and as a result, he was always running amok when the teacher's weren't around. THIS was a new era, where Sonic's speed was no longer a problem. Amy just stood there, leaning on the handle of her hammer, smiling.

"Where does he sit? I'm gonna need to sit behind him.", she said.

"Right here.", said a strange voice. Everyone was now more confused than shocked.

"W-Who said that?", asked Marth.

"I did.", came the reply.

"Ghost!", Luigi screamed in horror, sending Lucas into a panic attack.

"Ghost? Oh, right, my cape..." Just then, a strange blanket or something was thrown off Sonic's desk, revealing a strange little Ninja underneath.

"Bio Spark?", Meta Knight asked, rubbing his eyes in denial.

"That's right, cousin.", the strange little guy said.

"For the last time, we're NOT related!", MK screamed, which was unusual for him. The little Ninja just rolled his eyes.

"Who is that, and where did he come from?", asked Gannondorf.

"This is Bio Spark, Meta Knight's 'alleged' cousin.", answered Knuckle Joe.

"Alleged?", asked Link.

"I AM Meta's cousin.", said the Ninja. "Why he doesn't accept that when all others do is because his Grandfather, who he holds near and dear to his heart, had an affair, which produced my Mother. He just doesn't believe his hero could cheat on his Grandmother."

"Because he wouldn't!", screamed Meta Knight.

"Moving on,", Bio Spark continued, "Where I came from was underneath my Concealment Cape, which my Grandfather gave me when I became a Ninja." Meta was about to say something when another fox walked through the door, followed by two knight-like figures, an actual knight, and someone who looked like Bowser.

"Son!", Bowser yelled. Bowser Jr. ran over to the corner where Bowser sat and hugged him.

"Gallade! I thought you said he wasn't coming!", screamed Lucario. Gallade had brought with him a childhood friend, who Lucario despised.

"Nice to see you to, Lucy.", replied Bisharp in a calm voice. Too calm. It didn't even sound sarcastic in the slightest.

"Roy?", Exclaimed Ike. Roy just smiled and walked over, eager to get away from the tense Pokemon.

"Hey Krystal!", called Fox. She simply walked over to him, also eager to get away from the tension that was building.

By now, Amy was pouring herself a cup of water, which she then proceeded to pour all over Sonic.

"Water! It burns!", was what he screamed. The whole class went up in laughter, except Sonic, Bio Spark, MK, and Bisharp.

The laughter eventualy dwindled and everyone went back to chatting for a while (how early are these guys?) until a purple stranger appeared in the door. Instead o fintroducing himself, he simply sat down, drawing everyones attention. However, the silence was only broken a few minutes later when Samus, who sat at the back, stood, aimed, and started charging her weapon, which was pointed at the door. Everyone's attention shifted from the stranger to her target.

"Why so hostile Sammy?", asked Sylux.

End P.S. I OWN JACK ALL


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Pay Up!

Everyone shifted their eyes between Samus and the purple guy, who had also stood and aimed at the blue guy, and the blue guy himself. This was confusing, alright. Yet someone had the guts to ask a question.

"Beep Beep(What's the hell is going on?)", asked Mr. Game & Watch.

"Sylux, put your hands behind your back. Your under arrest.", said the purple guy.

"Nice try Noxus, but I've been pardoned. I've got the papers right here." Sylux slowly took moved his arm to his side, pressed a button on his Power Suit, and a small compartment opened up on his waist, and he slowly proceeded to take papers out of it. He slowly walked forward, hands in the air, and handed the papers to Samus.

Studying the papers for a while, still aiming her blaster at the blue fiend, she finally lowered her blaster. "I. DON'T. BELIEVE. IT. I. CAN'T. BELIEVE. IT."

"Believe it Sammy.", said Sylux. "While you were gone, I saved the Federation Council from assassination, preventing a war. Now I'm a praised hero, a forgiven fiend, a Federation Bounty Hunter, AND a Smasher!"

Noxus had taken the papers. "There genuine, Samus."

"Good. Now that that's settled, I'll take my seat." Sylux proceded to the left of the room, sitting next to Wolf.

The whole class was silent for a long time, with Wario staring down Knuckle Joe, Fox and Wolf staring down Peach and Daisy, Samus and Noxus staring down Sylux, Luigi staring down CF, Meta staring down Bio, Lucario staring down Bisharp, and everyone else silently doing whatever. Finally, the bell rang and a young blonde woman walked into the class with a checklist. "Good morning everyone. I'm miss Summer, your home room teacher. Before we get started, I need to go over some things. First, I'm not a military officer, so I don't respond to ma'am. Second, the seats you are sitting in are your seats for the year unless I say otherwise. I need to make a seating map on the board so be patient and when I call your name, please respond with 'here' or 'present'. She soon drew up a map of squares in a seven by seven style, with two desks at the back behind the second and fifth desks in the last row.

"Mario."

"Here."

"Luigi."

"Here."

That went on until she got to the seventeenth name on the list.

"Kirby."

No reply.

"Where's Kirby?", she asked.

Knuckle Joe raised his hand.

"Yes, uh, Knuckle Joe.", she said.

"Last time I saw him he was on the roof."

"What was he doing up there?", Miss Summer asked, not worried in the slightest.

"Napping. I gave him a slap and told him to be here before the bell and not to go back to-"

He stopped talking when a happy-go-lucky voice chanting "Poyo" could be heard coming closer. Knuckle Joe winked at MK, and the next thing he knew, Kirby skipped through the door, wearing an explorer hat and a camping backpack, which was full of food. He walked up to the teacher, pulled an apple out of his backpack, and handed it to her with a big old smile.

"Why thank you Kirby. Please, have a seat in the desk in the middle.", she pointed to the desk at centre room, which was the only one left. Speaking of left, that desk was to the left of Meta, with the reserved sign on it. Kirby skipped happily to the desk and jumped up, landing on his chair(which was way to low). Suddenly, every girl in the room was staring at Kirby like he was a baby seal. "Well, I can see that many of you are unfit for the desks and chairs the school has to offer. Don't worry, I'll fix it by tomorrow. Now, back to roll call. Meta Knight."

"Here."

* * *

Once that was done, the teacher showed the board to the class. It was carefully organized in a grid system, with letters running the width and numbers running the length. It was a "7 by H", as the teacher called it, and it was a 7 by 7 square with two desks at the back behind 2g and 5g. On each desk was a name or set of initials representing who sat where.

7  
A Mario Luigi Wario Waluigi Red Snake Noxus

B Peach Zelda Daisy Yoshi Lucario Gallade Bisharp

C T.L. Gannondorf Link Pikachu Jigglypuff Roy Ike

D C.F. R.O.B. Bio Kirby Meta Knight Marth Olimar

E Nana Popo Dedede Blaze Knuckle Joe Ness Lucas

F Krystal Fox Falco Sonic Tails D.K. Diddy

G Sylux Wolf Samus Amy Knuckles Bowser .

H Pit Mr. G. & W.

"Now that that's done, I've some news.", said Miss Summer. "The school was heavily remodeled, as I'm sure some of you know. Therefore, Headmaster Hand has decided today will be a free day so you can all get acquainted and familiarize your self with your surroundings. You also should go rent your dorms, pick up your books, etc. And with that, please excuse me. Class dismissed." After that, she walked out of the room. No sooner did the door close that every girl jumped from their seat at a certain pink puff-ball. Blaze, being closest, grabbed him first.

"He's sooo adorable!", Amy screamed.

"I've gotta hold him!", said Peach.

"Back off! I got him first, damn it!", hissed Blaze.

With all nine girls trying to take Kirby from each other, all the male veterans, excluding those from Popstar, starting moaning.

"Mamma Mia! My money! Down the drain!", Mario said.

"No *censured* fair! He dressed up!" Screamed Ness.

Dedede was jumping up and down. "We're rich!", he said.

With that, all the girls stopped tugging, much to Kirby's relief. "What's the hell do you mean?", asked Zelda.

"The Secret Bet! You girls cost us vets everything!", screamed Toon Link.

Okay, this needs to be explained. Ever since the first year of school, all the guy's would meet at Mario's house and make a bet revolving around the girls one week before the school year. Two years ago, the bet was 'who can get a girl to kiss him first'. Kirby won and everyone had to fork over 500 of their 3000 credits they got for the school year. Credits, being the currency in Smash Universe, were obviously a big deal. It took 200 credits to rent a one-person dorm for a month, so everyone had to pay 2k a school year. The rest could feed you for a few months, afterwards you had to get a part-time job. Last year, the contest was 'who can get a hug from every girl first'. Kirby won. This year, the bet was a two-sided thing. 'Will every girl, including newbies, at least try to hug Kirby before the first day of school ended?' The stakes had been doubled to 1000 credits this year, and everyone who wasn't from Popstar had lost. Now Kirby and them would take all the cash, put it in a treasury instead of dividing it up like everyone else would, and live like kings.

"Pay up!", said Knuckle Joe. Back came a question:

"Hey! Who told the newbie about the bet!", screamed Wario.

"The rules are 'don't tell the girls', not 'don't tell the newbies'", said Dedede.

"Grrreat", said R.O.B., who was already handing the money to Kirby. Kirby took his hat off and held it upside-down in front of himself. R.O.B. got the hint. He also got the outfit. It was the same one Kirby had worn on the Great Cave offensive, when he struck it rich. Now he struck it rich again. Damn.

As guy after guy put the money in the hat, the girls were all steaming. "Mario told me he wouldn't *censored* bet on me anymore.", said Peach.

"Think that's a breach of trust? I made Link take an Din-damn oath!", said Zelda.

Sonic was the last one to put money in the hat. Without turning around, he said "Tails, I haven't forgotten. You've got a thirty second head start."

Tails immediately bolted out the door, screaming in terror. "Five, six, THIRTY!", Sonic screamed and bolted after him.

Everyone looked at Amy, expecting her to chase him. "What? It's my first day. I have to let SOMETHING slip."

END P.S. I OWN NOTHING!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 FREEEEEDOM! Part 1**

* * *

"YA CAN'T STAY UP THERE FOREVER TAILS!", Sonic screamed at the sky, where tails refused to leave.

"I can try!", Tails retorted.

"Just forgive him, Sonic. It's not like he gave Eggman the Chaos Emeralds.", said Knuckles. Everyone had gone off in groups, and the 'Mobius Group' had gone after Sonic, who had gone after Tails, who had gone to the roof and jumped into the sky. "Besides, Amy swore us all into secrecy, and your not chasing any of us." Just then, Knuckles knew he had done something stupid.

"Hey, your RIGHT!", he said. Next moment, Knuckles jumped onto the ground and burrowed under the dirt, like all echidnas do when they're scared. *The more ya know* Yet Blaze just stood still. "You think you're that tough, don't you, Blaze?"

"Hello Sonic", said Blaze. This response didn't make sense, did it? Sonic scrached his head, wondering what the hell she meant. Then it hit him. He had yet to actually greet any of his friends...and Tails. "Get it now?", she asked.

"Sorry, guess I did get a bit carried away." He turned to the sky and yelled "Hey Tails, I'm so-", then realised that Tails had flown away. He turned back to Blaze.  
"Ha ha, very clever. Well distract THIS!" He lunged at Blaze, who simply side stepped, and Sonic landed face first into an AC unit with a very loud THUNK.

"Catch me if ya can, retard", she said. Before Sonic could turn around, Blaze was gone.

"YOU ALL SUCK!"

* * *

"Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, yep it's all here! 27,000 credits!", exclaimed Bio Spark. "Add our default 15 grant, and BINGO! 42 thousand!"

"So, which dorms do you think we should rent?", asked Dedede.

"Riiiiiiight...like we're gonna throw away 12 K! I've got a better idea!", Knuckle Joe declared. " I've got this block copier thing from Simirror. With it, we could take a single block and turn it into a castle. All we need is a durable block."

The group was sitting in the large yew tree the gang had helped transplant last year to the centre of the Institute's "Peace Garden", and were trying to stay away from all the other Smashers, who no doubt wanted their money back. The tree was unusually huge, two hundred feet, and provided a good hiding spot for those who could get up it. Then again, it wasn't too hard, yews being evergreens, but that also made them good hiding spots.

"Maybe we could get a Steel Block delivered from home.", suggested MK. "Wouldn't be that hard for Tac, considering he hid in the school ducts last year. Man, Headmaster Hand was pissed when Ness found him."

"Ya, I never understood why Ness was in there. And with Yoshi, of all people.", said Dedede.

"We're getting off topic.", Bio told them. "Tac can do it that's for sure. After all, he's a master thief."

"Yes, but how do we contact him?", Knuckle Joe pondered. "He won't even tell us his phone number, let alone his address."

"Relax. I told you I had a plan, didn't I?", and with that Bio Spark snapped his fingers, and Tac came out of nowhere.

They just stared for a while. "Nothing, really? Not even a gasp?", asked the feline robber. "Geez, have I lost my edge, or something?"

"Nah. We've just gotten used to you stalking us.", said Meta Knight. "You've just gotta go scare someone else for a while, we'll let are guard down soon enough."

"It worked before, that's for sure. Hell, I just don't get why you don't mix it up.", Knuckle Joe said. Then he got an idea. "Hey, you like Cheep Cheep sushi, right?", Before Tac could answer, Knuckle Joe continued. "It's not available in Dream Land, so how about you go scare Wario and Samus for a few weeks, and I'll get you some every day. Oh, and Luigi too."

"Why them?" Tac asked.

"Because they're on my list, except Luigi, and if only people on my list get scared, all fingers are on me, and of course that's no good."

"Sure. Any suggestions?"

"How bout ghosts? It's classic, it's easy, and Luigi's already scared of 'em."

"We're getting off topic again.", Bio reminded them.

"Right, right, sorry.", Tac said while searching through his bottomless loot sack. "Aha! Here it is!", he exclaimed, and pulled out a solid metal cube.

"Good old steel number seven, light, durable, and best of all, rustless.", said Bio Spark, taking the silver block out of Tac's hand.

"With that, we could make an indestructible palace!", Knuckle Joe stated. "Hell, we could make an EMPIRE!"

"Not that simple, Joe.", said Dedede. "This isn't Dreamland. You gotta buy the land, first. We need to find a cheep piece of forest or plain, or something that people don't care jack all about. THEN WE BUILD AN EMPIRE!." Just then, Knuckle Joe punched Dedede straight off the branch he was sitting on, and he tumbled all the way down, hitting every branch on the way.

"POYO!", Kirby cried worriedly.

"That's Knuckle Joe!"

* * *

**Meanwhile, in the cafeteria...**

"Again!", Peach and Zelda demanded.

"We apologize, your Highnesses, for breaking our vows.", Mario and Link said.

"Again!", they yelled.

"We apologize, your Highnesses, for breaking our vows."

"Again!"

Just then, Sylux walked in, followed by Samus, who obviously was keeping her eye on her new intergalactic co-worker. Sylux walked over to Bowser and Gannondorf, who were sitting near the 'broken record' people. "What's going on?", asked the blue man.

"Again!"

"We apo..."

"They have to apologize for betting on the dames when they promised not to.", said Bowser. "We've been listening to this for an hour and it's still funny."

"We apologize, your highness..."

"Well, we can't beat them, but their girlfriends sure can. If they keep going like this, they're gonna lose their voices!", chuckled Gannon.

"Hey, Bowser, where's your son?", inquired Samus.

"Dunno. He said something about Crazy Hand.", replied the Koopa King.

"Don't you care about your own offspring?", asked Sylux, in a strange tone.

"He's fifteen. What's he gonna do, take out the-"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

"That sounded like it came from the teacher's lounge, didn't it?", said Samus, smirking under her helm.

"...JUNIOR!", screamed the draco-turtle, who dashed for the door.

The room was silent for a while. Then all of a sudden...

"Again!"

"We apo..."

Gannon burst out in laughter.

* * *

The Ice Climbers, Mr. Game & Watch, Ness, Lucas, Snake, Yoshi, and Pit were all at the dorms, deciding on which one to pick out. R.O.B. and all the Pokemon, save for Red's, were already moved in. The Pokemon had got there first, getting the largest room in the process. R.O.B. rented a janitor's closet, and Pit was asking if he could bunk with Popo and Nana.

"Why not?", they said. After all, it's not like he's a worrier, like Snake.

"Beep Beep(I can't believe Kirby and them aren't here renting out the building!)", said a certain 2-d figure.

"Now we HAVE to get jobs, ASAP.", complained Snake. "Stupid bet!"

"Well, it was bound to happen eventually. 1000 Credits can't pay for a years worth of food, after all.", said Yoshi.

"Yeah, but now we can't eat until we get jobs. At least with 1000 credits could pay for food while you LOOKED for one.", Ness said.

"True.", Yoshi replied. "Still, if we didn't have to pay all year's rents right off the bat, things would be a lot smoother."

"And of course, Kirby's just gonna use his Final Smash to feed all the Popstar asses while we starve to death.", Snake added.

"Serves ya right!", said Nana, who was secretly forming a plan to torture her brother for being a jerk.

All of the rooms were different, suprisingly. You could customize if you could afford it, which, of course, barely anyone could. Nana would be the only one who wouldn't be running around Smash City looking for employment. Good grief...

"Pika! Pika Pi!", screamed everyone's favorite mouse. Pikachu was dancing on bubble wrap, and loving it. Jigglypuff and, suprisingly, Gallade soon joined in. Lucario couldn't be bothered: he was stealing Pikachu's ketchup.

"Put it back.", said Bisharp.

Lucario stared him in the eye. "MAKE ME."

"Why do you hate me so much? I've never done anything to you".

"You just don't seem like the kind of guy I'd want to be friends with.", stated Lucario with an icy sting in his voice.

"Ah...'friends' huh? This is adorable, Lucy. Your jealous of Gallade and I."

"WHAT?!", everyone in the hall screamed. Gallade, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff all stopped and stared. Everyone else came in.

"Wha...? T-that's not true!", screamed the jackal.

"...tch!", said Bisharp, who walked out the door. Gallade watched him leave, glanced at Lucario, then followed Bisharp out. Lucario felt ready to burst.

"I think we should leave.", said Snake. Everyone who wasn't a Pokemon dashed through the door.

"Pika...", said the mouse. Lucario turned and looked him in the face.

"No, I'm...I'm fine, really. I just...I just need to meditate for a while..." Then, Lucario sat on his bed, crossed his legs, closed his eyes, and began levitating.

* * *

**The Library...**

"Hey, Krys, have you seen Tails?", asked a certain grudge holder.

"No Sonic.", she said while reading.

"What about Blaze or Knuckles?", he asked.

"Nope".

"What about you three?", he asked the other Lylat pilots.

"No", they said in unison.

"Alright. Thanks anyways." And with that, POW, he was gone.

"Come on out Tails", Falco said without looking away from his book on space freighters.

All of the sudden, a massive dictionary on top of the table they were all sitting at flipped open. The pages had been cut away in the centre, leaving a large, circular hole. And guess who was curled up in that hole?

"Thanks for the help, guys.", Tails said while stretching his back.

"No problem. After all, us pilots have to stick together.", Krystal said. Tails nodded in agreement.

"Geez, what'll he do to us if he sees us helping you?", asked Wolf, reading a book on insects. Falco couldn't help it. He giggled at the section Wolf was reading. "What? I can't read about fleas?" Krystal, Fox, and Tails jumped as far away as they could from Wolf.

"Relax, guys,", Falco started, "he's reading how to prevent them!"

"How about taking a shower?! The books on this shelf are starting to rot from that putrid odour!", yelled Roy, who was sitting at another table with Ike and Marth.

"Calm down, Roy.", said Marth. "He bathes regularly, just not in the Summer."

"That's what he smells like after a measly two months?! Smells like he hasn't showered since he was born!", Roy screamed.

"Actually, it's only been one week.", said Wolf.

"Ugh! You're a wolf! You don't even have sweat glands! I mean really-"

Then, in the blink of an eye, Wolf jumped from his seat, grabbed Roy's head, and rubbed his armpit with his face. "Ah...that's the spot.", he said in a joking  
way.

"Mmmph!" Roy tried to scream, but it was no use. Everyone just looked on, too shocked to even blink. Finally, Wolf let him go. "OH MY *censured* GOD! WHAT THE HELL YOU RAT BASTARD! I-I CAN'T SEE! OH GOD!" Roy started running around like a headless chicken, clawing at his face, when he ran strait into a chair. He went flying, flipping over, and smacked into a bookshelf upside-down. He opened his eyes just in time to face-five the floor as the bookshelf fell over.

Everyone just sat there, open-mouthed, then burst out laughing. They laughed for about five minutes non stop, then stopped to catch their breath. Falco spoke first.

"Okay, okay. It's not that funny. He could be seriously hurt."

They all became totally silent. Then Krystal began to giggle, then Marth started to chuckle, and then they were all on the floor laughing their brains out.

Everyone was to occupied laughing to notice the strange metal eyeball in the vent above them. With a glowing red pupil, it asked in a hushed, robotic voice, "Doctor, are you getting this?"

"Yes. And might I say, they're a very odd bunch. However, their fun times will end soon, very soon. Back to base."

"Yes Doctor Robotnik."

END

P.S. I OWN NOTHING!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: FREEEEEDOM! Part 2**

* * *

**In a dark place:**

"Hmmm...fifteen, eh? Well, that's certainly larger than expected...All right, Eggman, we'll try your strategy, instead of Darkrai's."

"Glad you see it my way, X.", said the rounded madman.

"I still think-", began a dark, phantom-like voice, when X cut him off.

"You've had your say in this, Darkrai, and your strategy will be used when practical. Case dismissed." And with that, the meeting ended. Eggman walked out, giving Darkrai a popular central-finger gesture on the way.

"What IS his strategy, then?", asked a small, floating knight.

"Lay low and keep waiting.", said a pissed Bean. "Oooooo...I HAVE FURY!"

-  
**Meanwhile, in random hallway 1...**

"So, Amy, what's up with you and Sonic? Are you his sister or something?", asked Daisy.

"Nope. Girlfriend.", she said with a squeal.

"Tell the truth...", Daisy said.

"Okay, I'm his friend. But I Will be his girlfriend by New Years' Eve. Besides, he doesn't have an escape route from me out here!"

"YET", came a voice from under the floor.

"Ha ha, your hilarious, Knuckles.", she responded. "Tell ya what, when you grow a pair and confront Sonic, maybe I'll appreciate your advice."

"Shut it. Just take your big mouth and shut it. You think I'm afraid of him? I'm digging to get back at YOU."

Amy stopped dead. "What do you mean, you coward? Collapsing the school won't do you any good."

"No no, you misunderstand. See this tunnel is an ESCAPE TUNNEL."

"You. Wouldn't. Dare."

Daisy was confused for a moment, then got it. "It's an escape route for Sonic, isn't it?", she asked.

"Knuckles! You better not mess things up between me and Sonic!", screamed Amy.

"Pfft! Please, I wouldn't possibly mess things up between you two. That's YOUR job."

"Knuckles!"

"Oh, by the way, I stole your hair gel and dumped it down the drain. And now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta connect this to the dorms..." The digging sound went to the left, then faded. Amy stood there, eye twitching with rage.

"KNUCKLES!"

* * *

**Meanwhile, in random hallway 2...**

"Marioooooo! Help me!", screamed Luigi as he ran straight into his big bro. "Ghost's! There's ghost's in the bathroom!"

"What-a the hell are you talking about? I was in there 5 minutes ago.", said Mario, with a frog in his throat. Luigi didn't notice for awhile, with his panic attack and all, then asked about it. "Peach's 500 repeat punishment. I lost my voice!." Somewhere, Gannon smiled. "Now, what's-a all this about spooks?"

"I was just in there, fixing the toilet, when-"

"Wait. The toilet's already clogged? It's-a twelve-thrity!"

"Just listen! I-"

"KNUCKLES!", came a scream from...somewhere. Both bros covered their ears, doubled over in pain.

"What-a the hell was THAT?!", asked Luigi.

"What?!", screamed Mario, who was obviously deaf. But Luigi apparently wasn't the most observant person.

"I said-"

"What?!"

"Never mind!", screamed Luigi as he stormed off, the 'ghost in the bathroom' story lost in his memory.

"Hey! Wait-a up!", screamed Mario, who took off after him. "Luigi, wait!" Mario couldn't hear Wario screaming in terror as he dashed into Mario with his pants down. He turned Mario (who was still standing up, somehow) around, then shook him back and forth as he screamed "There's a ghost in the bathroom!"

"What?!", asked Mario, who was still deaf. Wario just ran down the hallway, and as Mario turned to watch, he saw that Wario's pants were down. "Mama mia...", he said just before fainting.

* * *

**Back at the dorms...**

Samus was insistent. Nothing else would do. If this didn't happen, she would...well, she wouldn't do anything, because this was GOING TO HAPPEN.

"NO! For the last time, I'm not giving Snake my number!", screamed Peach.

"But it's the only way he'll trade rooms with us! I just have to be near Sylux! He's plotting, I KNOW IT!"

"Then go bunk with him!", yelled Zelda.

"EWWW! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?!", screamed Samus.

"Uhh...", said Zelda.

"Exactly! And I don't wanna either!", said our favorite bounty hunter.

"Forget it! It's not happening!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Pretty please?"

"NO!"

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"NO!"

"Pretty please with sugar on top, on the sides, and underneath?"

"NO!"

"Okay, pretty please in the form of one big lump of sugar?"

"Wha...NO!"

"Please guys, he's the only one who ever got away from me!"

"Oh well if that's the case...NO!"

"Okay.", Samus said with a calm smile.

"NO-wait, what?"

"I already gave it to him.", she said.

"YOU HEARTLESS BITCH! I'M GONNA *censored* KILL YOU!", Peach screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Can ya do it once we're done moving? I'm gonna need to start surveillance ASAP.", she said.

"Grrrrr...", was Peach's response.

"Great! Good thing we haven't unpacked yet!"

* * *

**Meanwhile, in the...figure it out.**

"Poyo!", screamed Kirby, as he was surfing the web. The Popstar gang was already trying to find the perfect piece of land to buy. The rest of them were checking out books at the counter.

"You boys trying to build something?", asked the librarian, Mr. Winter. He wasn't quite sure, but these books on architecture seemed to be flowing from the shelves. In reality, Bio Spark was just really fast at throwing.

"Not yet. First we need a...what's it called again?", asked Knuckle Joe.

"A land title-deed.", Meta Knight replied.

"Yeah, one of those.", Knuckle Joe finished. "Say, you wouldn't know anyplace totally worthless? Money-wise, I mean."

"Mmmm...well, last summer a forest to the south did become a swamp...river aperantly was diverted by a seismic event. Now it's a bog, so land value must have dropped."

"Gee, thanks Mr. Winter.", replied Knuckle Joe.

"Think nothing of it. I just had to repay you for helping me clean place this up. Still don't know what those kids did at lunch..."

"It was nothing, really. We're used to cleaning up after Dedede, here.", said MK.

"Hey! When did I make a mess?", Dedede asked. "Ya know what? Don't answer!"

"Aww...and I was just about to start...", MK moaned sarcastically.

* * *

**To the Headmaster's office! Dadada, dadada, dada DOMDOMDOM...That was dumb...I'm sorry...**

"AND TO THINK I EXPECTED BETTER OF YOU! WELL, NO MORE, TOON LINK!", screamed the Headmaster.

"What?! I was just helping with the photoco-", started the troublesome pre-teen when he was cut off.

"NICE TRY, BUT YOUR ACCOMPLICES ALREADY RATTED YOU OUT!"

"Damn it! I knew I should have gone solo...", Toonie said. He glared at the two to his left, Waluigi and Bowser Jr., who were actually whistling nonchalantly.

"You three are in for a world of hurt! Ready? Here goes...I've assigned Link, Bowser, and Wario to watch you like hawks!", said Master Hand.

"AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO PUNNISH US? I'm not affraid of Link!", stated Toonie. "And I'm pretty sure Bowser won't rat out his son, and Wario wouldn't-"

"There getting PAID.", Master Hand interrupted.

"Oh crap...", said Waluigi.

"They get 1000 credits for every time they foil one of you're pranks. NO MORE INK BOMBS NOW, HUH?"

"Your over reacting.", Jr. said.

"Crazy Hand begs to differ! He's so traumatized he's afraid to be seen!"

"There's a difference between traumatized and filthy, ya know...", Toon Link said, regretting it almost instantly.

"THAT'S IT!" Master Hand pressed a buzzer on his desk. "Maria, send in the hawks please, would you?", he asked in a super calm voice.

In came Link, Bowser, and Wario, who was being dragged by the former.

"What happened to him?", asked MH, pointing at Wario, who had curled up like an armadillo.

"He went to the bathroom, came back screaming about ghosts with his pants off, and curled up into his present form.", said Link.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT-" He pressed the buzzer again. "MARIA, TELL TO CHECK THE BATHROOMS FOR BOOS!"

"Okay, but he'll probably drink it...", she said. Everyone laughed, except MH and Wario, of course.

"UGH! IF IT WASN'T PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE, I'D SHOOT MYSELF!", Master Hand screamed.

* * *

TIMESKIP TO 3 P.M.

"Why are we here? I need-a to go unpack!", said Waluigi.

"Because of the monthly Smash meeting.", replied Sonic. "We touch up on whatever happened in the last month, or in this case, two, and we-" Sonic stopped talking when Blaze walked up to them. "YOU! Where the hell were you hiding?", he demanded.

"The one place you'd never go: the pool.", she replied with a smirk. She waited for his ranting to stop before she sat down, enjoying every moment.

Now the Smashers were flowing into the meeting place: the Peace Garden. 40/50 had shown up. Then, as Kirby and gang showed, Meta Knight stood at the base of the big yew he had spent the morning up in. He counted heads, 1, 2, 3, and so on until...

"Where are Tails and the Lylat group?", asked MK. No answer. "Well then, if they don't show, we'll just have to wait."

"Awwww...can't we just catch them up tomorrow? I hate waiting!", screamed Sonic, who then received a blow to the head from Amy. "Never mind..."

"WAIT, WAIT! WE'RE HERE!", screamed Tails as he rushed in the door. Suddenly, he tripped over Sonic's leg ***coincidence? NO!*** and went flying into Blaze.

"There, we're even", Sonic said to the both of them. When the Lylat group sitting down on the grass with everyone else, MK began.

"Thank you for coming, all of you.", he said. "First off, I'd like to welcome our fifteen newcomer's, and say it is an honour working with you all." Some clapping occurred, and Meta started again. "Secondly, I would like everyone to know that the 'Popstar Brotherhood', as we have declared ourselves, will NOT be staying at the dorms this year." There were wild cheers, most coming from the male vets. And stay out!, Good riddance to bad trash!, and more could be heard. "Yes, yes, we all knew you'd respond like this, so we thought this might dampen your spirits." He pulled out a document from under his cape and held it up. "This is a copy of the land title deed we used YOUR MONEY to buy." Everyone stopped laughing. Amy hit Sonic over the head and Blaze kicked him in the groin. Before he could say ouch, he blacked out. "Well, since Sonic is now under the weather, I'll make this brief. If ANY tresspassers are caught in the bog to the south, any member of the Popstar Brotherhood has every right to beat them down."

"WHAT?!", screamed Red.

"Big tough Meta, thinks he's all...tough.", said Ness.

Meta Knight unsheathed Galaxia. "You want to fight, Ness?", he asked.

"...No." There were giggles.

"Good. Now, is there anything anyone wants to say?", asked Meta. Luigi raised his hand. "Yes, green bean?"

"There are ghosts in the bathroom! Wario says so too!", he exclaimed. Knuckle Joe just smiled.

"Anything not revolving around Luigi and ghosts?", asked MK. No one raised their hands. "Good. Meeting adjourned."

END

P.S. I OWN NOTHING!


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay, family problems...**

**ANY WHO, I'M GONNA BE UPDATING EVERY WEEKEND OR TWO HERE ON OUT. THE REASON THE FIRST 3 CAME OUT SO QUICK IS BECAUSE I WROTE THEM ALL BEFORE POSTING THE FIRST.**

**NOW, BACK TO THE STORY!**

Smash Institute

Chapter 5: Assessment Week Part 1

The first night had gone pretty well in the Popstar Embassy, as it had been called. No one had any trouble falling asleep, no one woke with pain or grump, and best of all, Tac had come by and told them about his scare victims. Now, everyone was enjoying a big old helping of...

"PANCAKES!", Knuckle Joe screamed in delight. He had just seen the delicious stack of awesomeness, then dove right into the giant pile of food. No really, there was a giant pile of what was possibly 10,000 pancakes, all piled on a pancake rug to keep them from getting muddy. It was a swamp, after all.

"Kirby made enough to feed himself times fifty.", Bio Spark said. "Way to many."

"Relax.", Meta Knight told him. "Kirby will eat them all, after he's done cooking." Sure enough, Kirby was still throwing leaves into his Smash Pot. And for every leaf that went in, a pancake came out. THAT'S how you cook: by defying all logic, physics and...well, everything. BUT WHO CARES?! PANCAKES!

"He'll even eat the rug, even though it's covered in mud underneath.", added Dedede. "But what I'm wondering is how we go about building our empire. After all, it's not like we have the proper requirements."

"What do you mean?", Bio asked.

"Well, the trees are in the way, there's mud and water everywhere, we don't have a way to weld the blocks together, and Joe-"

"THAT'S KNU-"

"Okay, okay, Knuckle Joe has yet to even show us this block duplicator thing of his.", Dedede finished.

"I've got it all right, I just had to hide it, that's all. After all, it's not like I knew where we we're going to settle.", Knuckle Joe said.

"Where'd you hide it then?", asked Meta, who was trying to get Kirby more leaves before he ran out and started eating everything.

"Somewhere you'd never expect it to be: Inside Mario's hat.", the fighter said proudly.

"YOU WHAT?! Dude, Mario NEVER takes his hat off!", screamed Dedede. "He wears it to the beach, to bed, and in the shower! How are we supposed to get it back? It's not like he'll give it to us after the whole bet thing! How'd you even get it in there in the first place?"

"I took it off his head before lunch, put it inside while he was chasing me, then pretended to trip so he could catch me.", Knuckle Joe said.

"So we can just do that again?", asked Bio.

"Nope. He said he'd glue it on first chance he got.", Knuckle Joe said.

"Great, now we've gotta get it back soon, or else we can't build anything!", said Meta. "In fact, the deal with the estate agent was 'start building on you're land in five days, or the deals off'. So we've got until Friday night to start."

Just as he finished, Kirby ran out of leaves. "Uh-oh. Everyone, scatter!", screamed the ninja.

-  
The Dorms:

"Peach! Wake up! You don't want to be late, do you?", asked Zelda.

"Fine, fine, I'm up, see?", Peach said as she stood up out of bed. They and Daisy were wearing simple shirt-and-pants pajamas with the words "Princess's for life" written on the chest. Samus was wearing...the Varia Suit? "Sam, what the hell are you doing? I mean, power suit in bed? Why?"

"Incase Sylux-"

"Samus Veronica Aran! You're-", Peach began, when Daisy interrupted.

"Veronica?"

"Yeah, she looks like a Veronica to me."

"Really? I think she's more of a Kristina.", said Zelda.

"ARE YOU BOTH NUTS?! She's _clearly_ a _Skylar_!", said the tomboy.

***To save you all from a really stupid conversation, let's go to the Pokemon room.***

-  
"Come on Lucario, just apologize", asked Gallade telepathicly.

"No! I have done nothing wrong!", the jackal mind-yelled.

"Just do it for crying out loud! Then maybe you two can get along!", mental-asserted the knight.

"And why would I want to get along with him?", Lucario brain-questioned.

"JUST SAY SORRY YA IMMATURE BASTERED!"

"NO AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

"WOW, REAL MATURE THERE!"

"OH, YOU WANT MATURE?" Lucario stuck his tongue out at Gallade.

"SO THAT'S THE GREAT LUCARIO'S TEN YEARS OF MEDITATION, HUH?! WELL, THEN HOW ABOUT-"

"STOP *censured* YELLING YOU TWO!", screamed Red. Yes, they had started screaming out loud and didn't even notice. Wow.

"PIKA, PIKA CHU!", yelled TAKE A FUCKING GUESS.

"WE'RE NOT THAT LOUD!", screamed Gallade.

"YES YOU ARE! NOW SHUT UP AND-" ***boring! Maybe someone else is having a better morning? Let's find out!***

-  
R.O.B.'s 'room'

SYSTEM ONLINE. TIME: SEVEN A.M. VISOR ACTIVATING.

R.O.B. opened his eyes to a sight he wouldn't soon forget. Roy was making out with- ***UGH! LAME!***

-  
Link, Toon Link, and Yoshi's room

Toon Link could stand it no longer. "Hey! Poke-Asses! Shut up, or I'll-" ***Not this again?! That's it! Time skip!***

-  
Home room. 9:00 A.M.

Everyone seemed to be at each others throats. The tension between the blond girls had skyrocketed. Roy was pissed at the five pilots and his good Emblem friends, the Pokemon were in a tangled web of hatred, Toon Link and his 'accomplices' were chalk-full of rivalry, Wario was getting sick of Knuckle Joe's tough guy attitude and vice-versa, and Luigi was still pissed at Captain Falcon for hitting on his girl. However, they would soon have an outlet for their anger.

"Morning class!", said the cheery blonde teacher.

"Good morning Ms. Summer.", most said, although not many felt that way.

"Well, it seems we have a bit of tension in the air, hmm?" There was some mumbling. "Well, then I think you'll be happy to find this out. Today is day one of assessment week!"

"Yeah!", screamed the vets. The newbies scratched their heads.

"For those of you who don't know", started Ms. Summer, "assessment week is-Kirby! Stop eating the desk!" Kirby immediately stopped cold, mouth engulfing the corner of the desk.

Knuckle Joe leaned in. "Dude, I know you have limits, apply them!"

"Now then, as I was saying, assessment week is how we determine the tier list. It's an entirely physical four day test week where we analyze your skills and weaknesses. Most of it is stuff like obstacle courses, target practice, and all that jazz. Any questions?" Noxus raised his, uh, hand...? "Yes, Noxus?"

"What's a tier list?" Most vets looked shocked.

Ms. Summer knew who could answer that better than she could. "Meta Knight, if you'll please?"

"Yes, madame.", Meta Knight said as he hopped onto his desk. "Tier lists are the ranking of the Smashers here at S.M.A.S.H. Tier one is the best Smasher. The tier list is made by the academy faculty after examining all of our skills. The five major skills are speed, agility, strength, defence, and shock absorbtion. Speed is how fast you can run, and how fast your on-ground attacks are. Agility is your airborne speed, maneuverability, and how fast your airborne attacks are. Strength is your attack strength, knockback strength, and stun damage. Defence is how well you resist damage, while shock absorbtion helps you resist knockback and recover from stun damage, if not negate it. Other less noticable skills are still important, but they are not generally improvable."

"Thank you, now take your seat again, please." The knight did as asked. "The assessment week will go on until Friday afternoon. After that, well, it'll be the weekend. Now, please go to the Peace Garden to receive your instructions." The class stood and filed out. "Kirby, come here please", the cheerful blonde asked. Kirby stood by her side until everyone left. "Kirby, if you try to eat something you're not supposed to again, I'll have to lace everything with pesticides. Understood?" The little guy nodded, then ran out. "What am I gonna do with him?", she asked herself.

-  
Peace Garden. 9:20 A.M.

They had all gone to the garden as asked and were waiting for whoever to show up, when a tall and muscular negro walked out of the building. "Morning Smashers. I'm Captain Slyze, but you will address me as Sir!" Fox covered his ears. "Now then, we'll split you into four groups. My Lieutenants will escort you to the assessment areas and we will commence from there. We will be on a four day rotation schedule where each group will spend one day at each of the four areas. Now, group one, line up at the east gate when all your names have been called. Mario, Dk, Pikachu, Link, Kirby, Fox, Ness, Pit, R.O.B., Daisy, Gallade, Blaze, and Krystal." The group got up and went to the eastern gate. "Group two, west gate. Luigi, Diddy, Jigglypuff, Toon Link, Meta Knight, Falco, Lucas, Popo, Nana, Sonic, Bowser Jr., Bisharp, Amy Ro-"

"NOOOOOO!", screamed Sonic as he dashed for the door, only to run straight into a certain someones Piko Piko Hammer. Amy grabbed the blue blur's ankle and dragged him back to where he was sitting.

"Thank you miss Rose. Group two also has Roy.", Slyze ***That's Captain Slyze!* *Hey! That's my joke!* *Both of you, back in the story, now!*** concluded. Most of the group got up, except Toonie. Slyze saw this and walked up to the shrimp, who was napping. "And why aren't you moving, Toonie?"

Toon Link woke up with a scream. "Jeez, can't a guy get a nap in here?", he demanded. A vein appeared on the Captain's head.

"Lieutenant Douglas!", he screamed. The lieutenant came over and before he could snap a salute, Slyze began again. "I want this kid broke this year! I want you to make him cry for his mommy! And once you accomplish that", he took out a camera, "film it!"

"Yes sir!", Douglas said as he saluted and took the camera.

"Here we go again...", mumbled the prankster as he walked to the group.

"Group three", began the Captain, as if nothing had happened, "Wario, Peach, Lucario, Zelda, Dedede, Wolf, Marth, Game & Watch, Snake, Knuckle Joe, Tails, and Sylux. North! The rest of you, south!." They did as instructed.

"Hey, tubby.", whispered Knuckle Joe.

"What do you want, knuckle head?", asked Wario.

"At the end of this, do we get to brawl?"

"Yeah..."

"You. Me. First chance. Winner is top dog for the next three months."

Wario smirked. "You're on."

-  
Day 1. 9:30 A.M.

"Listen up, maggots!", screamed Reggie, the commander of group 1. "This is the speed and agility course! You will, I repeat, YOU WILL run this course until you can complete it in 5 minutes or less!" He pointed at the obstacle course behind him. It was a course that required fancy footwork to navigate. It began with a 50 foot stone wall with logs sticking out of it. After that a series of beams protruded from the ground. Each was constantly moving up and down and had Bullet Bills firing across their tops. After that, monkey bars were rotating around an electrified metal pole. The bars were half pipe, half barbed wire, alternating every 1/8th of the way. The bar occasionally let loose a burst of energy that was near impossible to avoid. It curved around a series of wind blasting turrets. It eventually ended pointing back to the start. Once that was done, a large group of Bumpers was arranged into a tunnel. No platforms there, that's for sure. At the end was a metal mesh fence that went up about 100 feet and had electrified spinning blades and randomly moving turrets shooting fire every 3 seconds or so.

"FIVE MINUTES?!", gasped Krystal.

"Count yourself lucky. Last year it was four.", said R.O.B.

"A few things to point out. First, once you are off the ground, you stay off the ground until you make it back to the beginning. If you break this rule, you will start over! Second, NO FLASHY MOVES! Running and jumping only! Third, you will be running at the same time as others! This is for the tier list, so you must be as fast as you can! Get on the starting line!" They did as instructed. "One, two, three, go!"

-  
10:00 A.M. Group 2

"Keep it up, you losers!", screamed Douglas as he pushed them harder. They were all dealing out as much damage as they possibly could to several dummies. Each one could measure the strength of an attack and could withstand up to 10000% damage. The Smashers had to break the dummies with a Final Smash, but they each only got 1 Smash Ball, so they had to watch the damage gauge and use their finishers just before the 10000 mark. Unfortunately, there were a few catches...

"What the hell?", exclaimed Bisharp as his dummy suddenly started dodging his Night Slash. "Sir, request information about current situation!", he said like a true soldier.

"Denied! You think you'll have someone to coach you through when the enemy changes tactics?", he asked rhetorically. Bisharp rolled his eyes.

Meta Knight's dummy sprung to life next, right in the middle of his down grab. It suddenly rolled out before MK could deliver the last stomp and jumped up. MK's foot hit the ground hard and sent pain surging through his...uh...leg...? "Agh! That hurts like a ***censured***!" Then he started cursing in Spanish while hopping around on one foot, totally oblivious that others were gaining on him.

One by one, the dummies began dodging everything the Smashers could throw at them. Sonic accidentally hit Amy with a homing dash and, wouldn't ya know it, she hit him back. HARD. Like a solid diamond Shuckle shell coated in titanium thrown by Wario hard. He went flying over the school and out of sight. "Ehnn. He'll be back.", she shrugged.

-  
12:00 P.M. Lunchroom

Ugh! I've never had to do _that_! My legs are throbbing! Can't we quit? These and other complaints were flying from the mouths of the rookies.

"You'll have to tough it out.", said Captain Falcon. "It gets worse."

"Worse? I doubt that.", Daisy claimed.

"Trust us," began MK, "they MAKE it worse."

"How?", asked Knuckles, who was giving Blaze a foot rub and-wait, WHAT?!

"The tests have two phases. First, the easy part. Then, the pain.", Yoshi said.

"T-the p-p-p-PAIN?", stuttered Tails.

"Yeah, they-", began Marth, when all of the sudden...

"HEY! WE-A DIDN'T GET A HEADS UP! EVERYBODY, QUIET!", screamed Luigi. The vets agreed. Everyone stopped.

"Hey, Lucario?", Gallade mind spoke. "Any advice?"

Lucario decided to send him a picture of an unspeakably horrible romance over the mind-net. The results weren't pretty. Gallade barfed up the barf they were fed by the lunch ladies. It landed on Roy. "OH MY ***censured* *censured* *cennnnnnnnnnnnssssssssssssssssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrred***! WHAT THE HELL?! I JUST GOT WOLF PIT OFF ME YESTERDAY! FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" Peach wacked him over the head with her frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Then she hit Bowser with it.

"What the hell was that for?!", screamed the Koopa King.

"For kidnapping me!", she retorted.

"Geez, your custodial boyfriend already bashed me for that!", he yelled.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know that 'cause I was IN THE DUNGEON THE WHOLE TIME!"

"Fine, fine. Have your victory for today." Then she hit him again. "What the hell you bitch?!"

"That was for kidnap number 2!"

"Is she really doing this?", Amy asked Sonic, who, like most of the vets, now had a bag of popcorn.

"Shhh, the show's starting.", he told her.

"AND THIS IS FOR KIDNAP NUMBER 3!", Peach screamed as she began beating Bowser over the head. "AND 4! AND 5!" In desperation, Bowser made for the door. But, as we all know, he's not that fast. Peach jumped on his back and, holding onto his spikes like they were reins, she began beating his head with her pukey frying pan.

"Stop it! Stop it!", he screamed. Last resort time. He withdrew into his shell.

"Not so tough without an army, huh?", screamed Link. Mario began to cheer.

"Woo-hoo! That's-a my princess!"

-  
Turns out, the vets had been messing with the newbies the whole lunch time. The drill after lunch was the same as before. No one ran the course in 5 minutes, no one hit 10000%. In the end, only one had completed their daily goal. Tac had scared the HELL out of Samus. That's two sushi's.

END

P.S. I OWN NOTHING!

**HORRIBLE. MY WORK IS HORRIBLE. END. OF. DISCUSSION.**


	6. Chapter 5 and a Half

Intermission 1

Me: "Hello, I'm Kirby's Squire (not that anyone cares) and due to exams, I have been studying my ass off. So, this is a bit of a different chapter where I will interview Nintendos top 5 heros briefly. Now, please welcome number 5, Samus Aran!"** *applause as Samus walks in and sits down***

Me: "Miss Aran, you once said that "He's the only one who got away from me!", he being Sylux, I presume?"

Samus: "Yes, that's right."

Me: "So, I need to know, what did you mean by that?"

Samus: "Uh, it all started when Sylux killed a major colony in the federation by diverting a river, causing sever flooding that killed most of the residents. This was the start of a trend, and he, uh, I mean, IT became wanted. Long story short, I was ordered to catch it, being the greatest bounty hunter ever, and it ended up catching me, locked me up, and escaped. It sucked, that's for sure..."

Me: "Sounds like it did. And speaking of suck, everyone please welcome number 4, Kirby!" ***applause as Kirby falls onto the seat from who knows where***

Me: "Uh...great entrance, boss. Now, how do you and the others plan on getting the block-duplicator thing from Mario?"

Kirby: "Poyo, poyo poyo poyo, po-poyo, poyo-yo poyo, poyo poyo."

Me: "Mm-hm, mm-hm, go on."

Kirby: "Poyo, poyo-yo, po-poyo po, poyo-yo-poyo, pooooooooyo!"

Me: "Ah, interesting strategy."

Samus: "...You're kidding, right? No one here but you can understand 'Poyo'" ***Kirby smacks Samus upside the head with his hammer*** "Ouch! What the hell?!"

Me: "Well, you didn't have to insult his mother. I'm bored with this, so here's Link!" ***applause as Link doesn't appear* *I pop open cell*** "Uh, hey, Link, WTF? Get in here...You're kidding me, right? Stage fright? Ugh...you really suck. And to think I wanted to give you you're own loose story like Sonic and Kirby." ***Hangs up*** "Interview canceled on account of bock-bock. So, here's Pikachu!" ***applause as Pikachu walks in***

Me: "Mr., uh, Chu...? I have to know, what happened to Pichu?"

Pikachu: "Pika, pika pika pi, pi pikachu, chuuu..."

Me: "...sad. Now, here's Mario!" ***you know the drill***

Mario: "Thanks-a for having me here!"

Me: "Ya ya, where does your money go? Y'know, the coins?"

Mario: "Peach usually borrows it, for some-a reason, and that is why I have-a to live with my brother in a shack."

Me: "...Well, I know what I'm asking a certain princess next time I decide to do this. So long!" ***applause as the screen turns black***

End

P.S. I OWN NOTHING!


	7. Chapter 6

**HI GUYS! LOOK, I'M SORRY. OKAY? OKAY. COMPUTER HAS BEEN IN THE SHOP, INTERNET HAS BEEN SCREWY, AND MY HAND HAS BEEN SPRAINED. I TAKE FULL BLAME. BUT, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I HAVE THOUGHT OF SO MANY FUNNY IDEAS TO PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY SCAR ALL 50 SMASHERS! SO, ONCE AGAIN...**

**MARIO: HERE WE GO!**

Chapter 6 assessment Week part 2

SOMEPLACE DARK:

"This is getting old, egg face! How much longer must we wait?", asked Darkrai.

"Be patient, shadow brain. We need to see what we're up against.", said Eggman, who was writing something down. "Now,", he said as he stood up and tucked the paper away,"I must go out for a while. If you'll excuse me..." He walked through the dark arch and disappeared.

"What was the paper the man-egg had?", inquired a green figure. A strange voice gave the response.

"A check."

-  
The Dorms:

"AGH! CHARLIE HORSE, CHARLIE HORSE!", screamed Toon Link as he fell onto the floor in his pajamas.

"Hey, Toonie, our horse's name is Epona!", said Link, who had just been woken by the screaming and was groggy.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU IDIOT!" Toon Link was trying to stand up, but it hurt to much and he fell back on his face and began rolling around. There was a knock on the door.

"Guys, you okay in there?" It was Zelda.

"STAND BACK, ZELDA!" The voice scared Link right off the bed, and he landed on Toonie's leg. At the same time, Zelda screamed and the door blew up. "SYLUX, HANDS  
UP!" Of course.

"Samus, what the *censured*?!", screamed Peach.

Now everyone was pouring into the hall. Once they saw what Samus had done, they all fell completely silent. Samus looked around and saw Sylux. "Hey, Sammy, if it will get you to stop bombing the places we all have to live in, I DO SLEEP!" Sylux, for once, was mad. "THERE, OKAY, I'M A DIURNAL CREATURE! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM, OPEN UP YOUR DATA BANKS, AND ONCE AGAIN TRY TO FIND OUT WHO I AM!" And with that, it stormed off, and the crowd dissolved, leaving Samus at the mercy of Peach and Zelda.

"Miss Aran,", began Peach, "can we talk to you for a moment?" Peach pointed to their dorm. Samus swallowed hard, and the two walked in, leaving Zelda standing in front of the Links.

"...So, you guys are gonna pay for the repairs, right?", asked Toonie, who couldn't feel his leg. At all. Zelda stared for a while, then walked off giggling.

"...So what's this about a horse?", asked the oh so mighty hero of time.

"GET OFF ME!"

-  
At the Popstar Embassy:

"So, here's the plan to get the block-copy thing back. First, we-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we in a group huddle, Knuckle Joe?", asked Bio Spark.

"Dramatic effect.", said the fighter.

"Okay, first of all, that's lame.", said MK. "Second, it was your first idea that got us into this mess." The group huddle broke up.

"Okay, what do you suggest, Meta?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, well if that's WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOTHING?!"

"Kirby is the only one of us that can get close to Mario this week, and we only have this week. If we have to trust someone-" Meta sighed. "We have to trust him.", he said, pointing to Kirby, who was attempting to take a bite out of a tree trunk.

Dedede walked over. "Kirby, get off of there!", he said, and tried to yank the little pink...thingy of the trunk. No good. Didn't work. Knuckle Joe walked over too and grabbed Kirby's left arm and pulled. The arm let go, but Kirby has two arms, incase you didn't know. Joe let go of the arm and grabbed the other one, with DDD still tugging at his feet. Joe pulled, and pulled, and...presto!

"YES!", Joe screamed, then turned to see Kirby's left arm on the tree again. He facepalmed, but in doing so let go of the right arm, and it grabbed the tree again.

"AAARGH! Meta, help me out, would ya?" Against his better judgement, Meta Knight walked over to help separate Kirby from his food. Bio Spark also tried to help by  
hitting Kirby over the head with rocks. It didn't work, and the three tuggers fell backwards and landed in a heap. Meta leapt up.

"C'mon, Kirby! We gotta get to school soon!" Kirby made a disapproving gurgling sound. "Ugh...come on, guys. one last tug." Meta grabbed the right arm, Joe the left, and Dedede the legs. Bio Spark backed up. "ONE, TWO...THREE!" They gave one last pull, with all their might, then they heard the sound of wood snapping. "Oh jeez..." The tree toppled, flattening the five unlucky beings in an instant.

Just then, a voice could be heard. "Hey, guys! You won't believe what happened at the do-" Tac stopped. They weren't there. It was just a toppled tree. "Huh,  
guess they already left." And with that, he left, completely oblivious to the muffled cries for help coming from under the tree.

-  
Classroom

"Everyone, do you know where to go?", asked Ms. Summer. Everyone nodded. "Okay, day two, commence!" Most walked out of the room, leaving just Toon Link, Meta, and Kirby. "What's wrong, you three?" Toon Link tried to stand, but fell on his face. "...Toon Link, uh, are you okay dear?"

"Yes ma'am. I'll just drag myself there..." And he did, without even lifting his face off the floor.

"...Okay...and you two?"

"Oh, I just needed to tell Kirby something, that's all."

"Very well.", she said and walked out. When she did, MK peered outside the door and looked to both sides.

"Okay, Kirby,", he began as he turned to look the puff-ball in the face, "do you remember what you have to do?"

"POYO!", Kirby said snapping a salute.

"Good! Remember, Mario is obsessed with his hat. You will need to use stealth to get close, then jump him with brute force to rip his hat off! It's glued on, so don't hold back! Now let's go out there and get that block copy thing so that I'll buy you a mini fridge!"

"POYO!" Then they walked out, with Kirby closing the door.

-  
Group 1

"What the heck?!", screamed Daisy as she received a blow to the face from the dummy's retaliation punch. She had got the thing to 5000%, but now it was fighting back!

"They're aiming with punches! Go for low blows!", screamed Blaze, who also had her dummy up to 5000%. She started clawing at her targets legs, but soon received a kick to the face.

The other Smashers were also having some trouble by this point, but none more than Mario, who was seemingly distracted.

"Hey Mario, you alright?", asked Fox who was dealing out his rapid kick.

"My-a mustache! It's-a tingling! Someone is going to steal my hat!", screamed Mario. Now he wasn't even fighting back, just dodging while scanning the area. Then, from nowhere, Kirby landed on his head and tried to rip his hat off. It failed. The glue was to strong for a quick attack. He needed to get a good grip, but..."Mamma mia! Get off-a me you pink parasite!" He tugged at the Star Warrior, who was eventually pulled free and thrown on the ground. Mario ran. Kirby gave pursuit."Go away-a!" Kirby knew he couldn't get the hat off while Mario was conscious, and Mario knew that whatever Kirby had his mind set on, he would pursue until cake was served within 10,000 light-years. Both knew what had to be done...

They came screeching to a stop. "Al-a-right you blob of bubble gum!", Mario said, turning around. "You-a ready for this?!"

"PO-YO!"

"Alright-a then..."

-  
Announcer: Choose your characters!

Krystal: Uhh...what's going on? Where are we?

Ness: Oh, this? This is some sort of stupid gag the author thought of.

Announcer: Mario! Kirby!

Me: Of course it's stupid! Stupid is funny! Patrick Star, Cosmo, Homer Simpson, Stan Smith, Call of Duty, Quebec independence, it's funny!

Announcer: 3...2...1...Brawl!

Mario: Hoo!

Kirby: Hu-ah! Ya-hey!

Mario: Oof!

Me: Okay, I need to work on this...

Three minutes later...

CLANG CLANG CLANG!

Mario: NOOOOO!

*bubbling sound effect...spices being added...bubbling again...*

SPLASH!

Waooooooooooooo!

Shing

Announcer: Game! This games winner is...Kirby!

Music thing: Duna-duna-duna-na-na-na, duna duna dunaaa-A!

Me: Ya I really gotta work on this...

-  
Group 1

Mario was on the ground unconscious, and Kirby was tugging at his cap. Everyone just looked around, shocked at the destruction. Kirby had destroyed all the dummies! Kirby pulled on the hat until...RIP! Out fell a magical looking square thing as Kirby tore Mario's hat of his head! Unfortunately, something else came off with the hat...

"OH MY GOD!", screamed Gallade. "Kirby! You just ripped out Mario's hair!" Kirby didn't seem to mind. Instead, he lifted the block copy gizmo over his head and smiled.

"You got the square thing!", said Pit, trying-and succeeding-to provoke a response.

"THAT'S MY POSE YOU IDIOT!", shouted Link at the pink puff-ball. Kirby ran away and disappeared behind a corner.

-  
Lunchroom: 12:00 p.m.

"And then he ran away and we haven't seen him since!", exclaimed Krystal.

"Well, how's Mario doing?", asked Peach as she bit into her peach. No pun intended, BTW.

"Other than the severe head trauma, ripped triceps, and baldness, he's just peachy.", said R.O.B. Just then, Roy came over.

"Hey Peachy, sorry to hear about your boyfriend. You wanna go out?"

"Keep walking."

"Yes ma'am." As he shuffled away, he and R.O.B. locked eyes.

"Oh, uh, h-hey Robby...", stuttered the swordsmen.

"G-g-go away...", the robot replied. He did so.

"Uh...Robby? What was that about?", asked Krystal.

"J-just go away..." Then he fell into the robot equivalent of the fetal position. ***NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT REALLY LOOKS LIKE!***

-  
4:00 p.m.

Peach was alone in her room, brushing her hair when a low moan could be heard. "Hello?", she said aloud. ***RULE #1. DON'T SOCIALIZE WITH THE GHOST***

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Peach!"

"EEP!"

"Peach! I am the ghost of your mother!"

"My mom isn't dead!"

"...I said your grand mother!"

"She isn't dead either!"

"Okay, I'm the ghost of the frosting on your last birthday cake! Just shut up and listen!"

"Okay."

"If you want Mario to recover, you must film yourself doing the Macareena!"

"That sounds boring. Can't I do the Electric Slide instead?

"Uh...sure?"

"Yay!"

As she started to dance (without the camera) Tac watched the whole thing through the vent. "That's it. I'm sticking to people on the list from now on."

END

P.S. I OWN NOTHING!


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 assessment Week part 3**

* * *

**Dorms:**

"Snake! Wake up! It's time for school!", yelled Marth, feeling ridiculous doing so. He was a prince, Snake was a super soldier, and they had to go to _SCHOOL_.

"I'm up, I'm up, geez!" The door to Snakes room opened and he came crawling out, checking around the corner.

"No one is going to ambush you here, Snake."

"Says you." Just before he could stand up, Popo went flying over his head and hit the wall. "Ambush! Get down, Marth!" Snake pulled out a machine gun and fired in all directions.

"SNAKE! CALM DOWN! NO ONE IS AMBUSHING YOU!", screamed...well...everyone.

"Oh...I get it.", Snake said, releasing the trigger. "You're all working for them. Well...you can all take your eggs and put them in your baskets, because hingin dingin dlorp!"

"Snake, snap out of it!", cried Ike.

"Hligle flooingo plort!" Pikachu ran over and clung to his face, then began electrocuting him. Snake fell to the floor face first, with a certain mouse breaking his fall. "Ugh...what happened?", he asked while getting up.

"Man, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!", screamed Yoshi.

"I...I don't know...must have been those rats I ate last night..."

"WHAT?" Everyone was horrified.

"Don't look at me like that!"

"How about this?", Waluigi said before making a face that, if you saw it, would make you think you were watching some guy named Norman making unpassionate love to a can of grape soda.

"Okay, first of all, you just gave a little girl in China cancer and killed her puppy.", began Zelda.

"Don't be ridiculous! No one in China can afford cancer!", Bowser Jr. said.

"Racist.", I stated.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Don't worry, you'll remember once we get back in the lounge."

"What?"

"Never mind. Kirby's Squire, away!", I said as I flew out the window even though we were in a hallway.

"What just happened?"

"Don't worry about it Jr.", answered Bowser.

"SECOND OF ALL,", restarted Zelda, "all the guys are obviously hungry. They got no cash."

"Stupid bet...", mumbled Luigi.

"What set you off, anyways?", asked R.O.B.

"Popo flew over his head.", answered Marth.

"No, I was thrown by my sister!"

"Then don't bet on me!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Beep beep! (Shut up!)"** *I don't need to tell you who said that, do I?***

"Where's Mario?", asked Wario.

"He's-a hiding in his room and has been since he got back.", Luigi said.

"Sucks to be him.", said Sonic. "I'd hate being bald, especially since I'm covered in hair."

"Quills, Sonic. You're covered in quills.", I corrected him.

"You again? Why are you back?", asked Jr.

"Because you touch yourself at night. Nah, I just forgot my window." I snapped my fingers and my window and I poofed out via author powers.

"Okay, that guy is REALLY starting to creep me out."

"Agh! It's a monster!", screamed Lucas. He was sorta right. Amy came down the hall and seized Knuckles by the neck. Her, uh, head quills(?) were out of control, to say the least. It was a monstrous do.

"That's what I call a hair-don't.", said Blaze.

"SHUT UP! AS FOR YOU, KNUCKLES, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GO WITHOUT HAIR GEL FOR TWO DAYS!"

"Quill gel.", I said. Then she threw her Piko Piko hammer at my head and jasfoas  
d;qwpqe;wlkdkskejfk'  
;dc'alfolpsdkcfas  
'a;dsa'd;apclsa[f;a  
'fl

"That's it missy! Author powers, activate!" Knuckles disappeared and was replaced by Knuckle Joe.

"Hey!" She dropped him to the ground and turned to hit me, but I was gone. Heh Heh.

"That's it!", shouted Knuckle Joe. "I'm forming an anti SonAmy league to keep them apart! Who's with me?"

"I am!", said Sonic. Amy was dumbfounded.

"So am I!", declared Knuckles from the tunnel he had dug.

"I'll join.", said Toon Link.

Snake, Yoshi, Gannondork (hehe, dork), and Luigi joined.

"You guys are real jackasses, y'know?" Zelda was looking mostly at Sonic.

"Don't look at me like that."

"What about this?", said Waluigi making the same face as before.

"And now _I_ have cancer and _my_ dog is dead.", said Roy.

"You have a dog?", asked Luigi.

"Do ya really care?"

"Nah, just trying to change the subject."

"Let's just go already!", screamed Wario.

* * *

Popstar Embassy

"So, let me get this straight. You promised Kirby a mini fridge filled with all the food he could ever eat if he got the block thing back, and thought it was a good idea?", Bio asked Meta.

"Yep."

"Okay...um...so...how do you plan to get all of existence into a mini fridge?"

"I don't. I just plan on filling a mini fridge with M-Tomatos and telling him it was all I could fit."

"You think that would work?"

"He's Kirby."

"That is logic worthy of Mr. pointy ears."

"You mean Spock?"

"Nerd.", said Dedede.

"Tubby."

"Geek."

"Fatso."

"Brainiac."

"Chubby."

"Would you two shut up please?", screamed Knuckle Joe. "I'm trying to concentrate!" Joe was working on his Final Smash, and he hadn't got it down, yet. "Okay, Tac, you ready?"

"I want more sushi.", said the Cat, who was in a full body cast with a red bulls' eye on it.

"You'll get your sushi on the weekend. Now, hold still..."

"No time, Joe, we're going to school.", said Bio Spark. Then he looked around. "Where's Kirby?"

"He's mass producing the steel brick.", said Meta Knight. "He's going to be cranky tonight."

* * *

**Training ground 3**

"Listen up, I'm only going to say this once!", screamed lieutenant Chris. Group 1 was now at the defence course, and everyone was a bit anxious about what they were up against this time. "You will go through this machine-", he pointed to a big high tech looking door frame, "and you will do it one at a time! Line up!"

"Hey, Link.", said Donkey Kong. "I know we haven't really had good times lately..."

"You killed my goldfish.", he hissed.

"Yeah...so, to make up for it, you can cut in front of me."

"No way. I don't know what that machine does, but I'm not going before you. Apes before humans."

"Hylian."

"Whatever banana breath."

"SHUT UP MAGGOTS!", Chris screamed.

"He started it!" Link pointed at DK.

"I was just making a friendly gesture."

"And that camera is for taking pictures of what?"

"SHUT UP!" Chris isn't the smartest person in the world. You see, he walked over to shut them up, but in doing so treaded on Pikachu's tail. "OH SHIT!"

"PIKACHUUUUUUUUUUUU!" The sparks were flying everywhere, and Chris started to convulse and make horrible sounds. The door frame also got hit, and blew up.

"What's going on out here?" It was HeadMaster Hand. *insert cricket here* "Oh my God! Chris! Chris!"

"Ugh..."

"Who is responsible for-" then Master Hand saw(?) the remains of the machine. "The D.S.!"

"Tell my mom I-"

"Shut up Chris, I have to find out who did this!"

"Pikachu.", said everyone but Pikachu.

"Pika!"

"He says in his defence, Chris stepped on his tail.", Gallade translated. "It's natural defensive instinct."

"Lousy rat...", DK mumbled, holding the charred remains of a camera. "It would have been funny to get a picture of the torture..."

"No one needed to be tortured this year!", cried Master Hand. "The D.S., meaning Defence Scanner, is a new invention of E. Gadd! It's as simple as walking through and having the rest of the day off!"

"I think I see a light...", groaned Chris. No one listened.

"Uhh...you can fix it, right?", Ness said meekly.

"In about a day, maybe. But until then..."

"NO.", said Mario.

"...you'll have to be tested..."

"NO.", said Link.

"...by..."

"NO.", said Pit.

"...the original course!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I-is it bad...?", stuttered Daisy.

"Bad? BAD?! ARE YOU-A KIDDING ME? It's...actually, I don't remember."

"Why?"

"He fainted at the sight of it! Mwahahahahaha!", Master Hand laughed.

* * *

**Lunchroom**

"C'mon Mario, how bad could it be?" asked Krystal. The veterans were crowded by the newbies, who wanted every detail on the defence course, or, as the vets called it, THE WIDOW MAKER. "I mean, it's not like they have a black hole, or anything."

"Yes they do.", said Meta Knight, who was helping Kirby with his will. "So, let me get this straight: your money is to be evenly divided and given to the helpers, Gooey gets your Copy Essence Deluxe..."

"How can you understand him?", asked Yoshi.

"He speaks the same language I did."

"Poyo language?", Gannondorf asked. "Oh by the the way, Link, remember when the grinder malfunctioned that one year?" Link was under the table in the fetal position in two seconds.

"T-t-t-h-h-h-e-e-e-h-h-h-o-o-o-r-r-r-r-r-r-e-e-e-r -r-r..."

"Gonondorf Dragmire!", scolded Zelda.

"Dragmire?", Bowser smirked. "YOUR LAST NAME IS DRAGMIRE?" Half the room dropped to the floor and died of laughter.

"Next time I capture you, you little bitch, I'm going to cut your hand off to get that Triforce of Wisdom."

"Do it now.", said Captain Falcon.

"Douglas, why?", Zelda exclaimed.

"No reason."

"So, do the Triforce pieces benefit you in any way, or what?", asked Wario.

"Yes.", answered Gannon.

"...You gonna tell us how?"

"No."

"Fine."

"Why did the Gods choose you three?", asked Bowser, who was still trying to recover from his laughing fit. Waluigi and Ness were still laughing.

"I'm all powerful, so I got the Triforce of Power."

"Yet you can't get a single person to follow you."

"Just shut up, okay?"

"Whatever you say, Dragmire." Half the room started laughing again.

"Tch, boys, huh?", said Blaze, elbowing Nana.

"I know, right?", Zelda began. "I mean, if I was a boy, I wouldn't be smart enough to have the Triforce of Wisdom."

"Oh, so if you're so smart, why'd you suggest murrex snail mucus as body wax?", Peach said, lifting her dress past her knee, revealing a body wax...uh, strip (?) ***I'm a guy, so shut it*** on her thigh.

"I didn't. I said murrex mucus makes natural purple dye. I recommended golden tree snail mucus. But...", she ripped off the strip, Peach screaming from the pain, "murrex works too."

"Oh, that is smooth.", Peach said, rubbing her thigh. "What about this one?" She showed her other thigh.

"You do it.", Zelda said, looking at Mario.

"Well, if-a I have to..."

"No no no! Mario, stay away from me!"

"Geez-a, Peach, just sit still..."

"No!" Soon the two were wrestling on the floor. It went on for a couple of minutes, then...Peach screamed in pain.

"I got it!", he said, holding it above his head triumphantly.

"You got the used wax strip!", declared Pit. Everyone was soon silent, waiting for Link to respond. No one heard him. Pit looked under the table. "Oh for crying  
out loud!" Link was still quivering in fear of the horrible day the grinder malfunctioned.

"Geez, why is he on the walk again?", Sonic asked Mario. Mario shrugged.

"What wall?", asked Ike.

"Uh...", they both stuttered. Then Sonic bolted and Mario leaped across the room and out the door.

"Okay...hey, where's Toonie?", asked Snake.

"He's hiding. He took the speed course today.", Knuckles answered.

"With his leg?", Blaze gasped.

"Yeah, he broke down crying, begging for his mom, and...well, they filmed it."

"That's gonna be all over Smash City by morning.", said Red.

"Smash City?", asked Krystal.

"The capital of this planet. It's about 20 km from here. The general view of us there is, in the Kings words, 'awesome'."

"Looks like our reputation is going down a bit.", said Bisharp.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!", said Amy. "KING?"

"Not all governments are like yours, Amy.", Gallade answered.

"Doesn't matter! He's a KING. He can pay good!"

"Nice try. The King doesn't hire people who don't come with a recommendation." Amy's' smile simply grew, drawing attention from her bad hair. ***Hey!***

"What exactly is your type of government, Amy?"

"Sonic, I guess. Hey, Luigi, why do you want to keep me away from Sonic?" She put on a sad face. "You...don't seem like that kind of guy."

"I guess I just need-a something to focus on other than-a the ghost in the bathroom."

"THERE. IS. NO. GHOST. IN. THE. BATHROOM.", said Popo.

"There is too!", Wario said.

"You too, Wario? Okay, all people in this room who have encountered a ghost in the bathroom, raise their hand." Wario and Luigi put their hands up. After a few seconds, Noxus pushed Samus' hand up. The room stared at her.

"Okay, first of all, in my defence, almost all of us have met the undead in one form or another."

"Prove it!", said Roy.

"Boos, Gengar, Poes, 02, Chozo ghosts, Baby Boom Boo-"

"Okay, okay, I get it."

"-goes to Marth, right?", MK asked Kirby.

"Poyo!"

"Wait, what goes to me?"

"If Kirby dies, you get his funny hats."

"What? Why would I want to wear funny hats?" Meta pointed to Marths' tiara. "Oh, I'm sorry, I should have taken into account MK's fashion knowledge when I was forced away from my family! Like, come on! Keeping this thing kept me from giving up!"

"I'm sorry."

"Damn straight you're-wait, what?"

"I've insulted your honour, and I apologize."

"Geez, you really are a knight."

"Duh, that's why he's Meta Knight!", sneered DDD.

"Watch it, De De Dunce. I'll declare war on you."

"You and what nation?" Marth started to grit his teeth. "Oh, that's right, you don't have one anymore! Whole thing's destroyed!"

"I'll brawl you right here, you fat penguin!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa.", Sylux said. "He's a penguin? I thought he was a chickadee."

"So did I!", said Ness. Everyone started nodding and mumbling in approval.

"Why?", asked Dedede.

"Your name is Dedede. Like chickadee. Deeeeee.", stressed Gannon.

Toon Link limped into the room, unnoticed by everyone as they continued switching from stupid conversation to stupid conversation. Then the bell rang. Group 1 was crying, and so were many more people. "Be brave, Link!", sobbed Zelda.

"Krystal.", began Fox. "If you don't come back, I just want you to know that I-" Donkey Kong punched him in the back of the head, knocking him out.

"WHY?!", asked Krystal.

"No one is here to comfort me, so I had to ruin someone elses' life."

* * *

At Smash City Real Estates...

"And there, you now own some of the finest land in the city, and the world."

"Thank you. I'll certainly remember this day for many years. It was a pleasure doing business with you, Sam."

"The pleasure's all mine. If you don't mind me asking, what do you plan on building on this land?"

"Oh, I'm going to build an electronics factory."

"Well,", Sam extended his hand, "good-bye, doctor." The doctor took it.

"Please,", he smiled a devilish smile, "call me Robotnik."

**END...?**

**P.S., I OWN NOTHING!**


	9. Chapter 9

**HELLO CLEVELAND! No, but seriously, chapter today, chapter tomorrow! Stay tuned!**

Chapter 8 Assessment Week part 4

**IN A DARK PLACE:**

"So, Robotnik, has fortress 2 been established?"

"It should be complete by tomorrow, X."

"Good. Now, is the data file complete?"

"Far from it, but I should have a preliminary done by tomorrow night."

"Very well. I want a full attendance of admins here at that time so you can brief us. Meeting adjourned."

"At last...the plan moves forward.", said Darkrai.

"Yes, I know how you feel Darkrai. Now, I need to check EggSpy 34..." Eggman entered a code on his villainous tablet-looking device, and Sonic with his head on fire appeared on screen.

"Putitoutputitoutputitoutputitoutputitout!", he screamed while running around in circles.

"I'll save you, Sonic!", screamed Roy, who ran on screen and began to beat him on the head with a rubber chicken, which, astonishingly, worked.

"Hoo...oh man...", Sonic panted as he sat on the ground. Roy plopped down beside him, panting heavily. THEN BOTH THEIR HEADS SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED! ***Screw you!***

"AHHHH!", they both screamed, then began to run around in circles.

"THIS is your nemesis?! HAHAHAHA!"

"Shut it, shadows-for-brains."

* * *

**In the S.M.A.S.H. Institute basement:**

Group 1 was cowering in a corner, staring at the big curtain in front of them. What sick horrors lurked behind that massive piece of black canvas?

"Crazy, throw the switch!", ordered Master Hand. Crazy was in a sort of hunch-back pose, and was giggling. MENACINGLY!

"YeS, mAsTeR..." Crazy then ripped the switch off the wall and chucked it at Mario, who received it to the face and blacked out.

"...lucky...", mumbled Link. Masterhand sighed.

"I hate my brother...Crazy! Stop juggling cinderblocks!"

"YeS, mAsTeR..." Crazy chucked the cinder blocks at DK, Pit, and Gallade, with the result of unconsciousness.

"OH COME ON!", screamed Link. "I DON'T WANT TO BE CONSCIOUS FOR THIS! WHY CAN'T I BE KNOCKED OUT?"

"Because of the author's preferences."

"Whaa...?"

"You see, it-Crazy, stop using the unconscious students as dolls for a tea party!"

"UgH...yEs, MaStEr..." He threw the Smashers at Kirby, who was to busy poking Pikachu with a stick to notice. BAM! Or rather...uh...Fwomp? Yeah, fwomp, let's go with fwomp.

"What the hell?!", screamed Link.

"That's it. Crazy, push the big bloody button!"

"Uh...don't you mean red button?", stuttered Krystal.

"No. Mwuhahahaha!" Crazy pushed the big, blood-stained button. There was a violent crack of electricity as the room seemed to come to life, and heavy machinery could be heard behind the vast curtain, which was starting to raise. The Smashers (or at least the conscious ones) watched in terror as a torture machine so big, so intimidating, and so bloody appeared that I lost conscious imagining what it would look like! "It's alive, it's alive, IT'S ALIVE! And it could use a good scrub..."

"THIS is what that door frame replaced?!", cried Daisy.

"Yep.", replied Master Hand, who seemed to be admiring it like a Van Gogh. "Man, I feel sorry for whatever chumps don't get to see this before they die, or at least get a description of it by an inspiring and good-looking author. ***No raises.* *Damn it...***

"So...I vote Link to go first.", said Krystal.

"I second that vote!", said I.

"YOU ALL CAN BURN IN HELL!", screamed Link as Crazy picked him up and threw him in the black hole.

* * *

**The dorms, after school...**

Thirteen. THIR-FREAKING-TEEN. That's how many there were. THIRTEEN MOTHER *censured* FULL-BODY CASTS! EVEN R.O.B. HAD ONE! Bisharp was dragging Gallade and Pikachu into their rooms. "You guys are idiots."

"Hey, at least I wasn't conscious enough to argue my rights!", said Gallade.

"Pika Pi!"

"Ugh!" Bisharp just threw them into a corner. "Why did you drag me into this?"

"Pi?"

"Oh, come on! It's Smash Bros, it's awesome!", said Gallade.

"No, a Boufalant heard with broken legs is awesome. Route 10's music is awesome. Kirby's Squire is awesome! ***NO RAISES.* *Ugh...*** _THIS_ is just a load of crap!"

"C'mon man, just wait for the weekend. I heard there's an awesome steakhouse down at the beach."

"I'm a hunter. I don't do restaurants. So, yeah, have fun." Bisharp hopped into his bed. "Stupid Smash Bros..."

"Stupid Elf!", came a voice from outside.

"What the...?" Bisharp got up and opened the door to a strange sight. Mario and Link were trying to fight in full body casts. Popo was taking bets.

"Right here people! Odds are 3-1 in Mario's favour! Pick your side! Place your bets!"

"Bro, what the hell are you doing?", asked Nana.

"I've found my calling! Gambling!"

"Right, because the whole bet thing really worked out on Monday..."

"No, you stupid idiot! Casino and race track gambling! Except I'm the one behind the counter cheating!"

"What?", asked Red, who was holding a betting slip.

"Nothing!"

"Wait, how does Red have money?", asked Blaze. Everyone stopped.

"Hey, yeah! You should be broke like the rest of us!", snarled Bowser.

"You really wanna know?", asked Red in a cocky voice. "My Pokemon, Shiek, and Zero Suit Samus all get their own student beginner money!"

"WHAT?" Zelda and Samus started backing into their room.

"Yeah, Masterhand thinks it's a good idea. So, I've got cash!"

"_**PIKAAAA...**_"

"He's right behind me, isn't he?", Red asked.

"Nope, he's still in his room.", Gannon said. Red turned around and saw Pikachu glowing with a reddish-purple aura.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! VOLT TACKLE!", screamed Red as he dashed for the door.

"_**CHUUUUUUUUUU!**_"

* * *

**Popstar Embassy:**

"How is Kirby in a cast?! He doesn't even have bones!", screamed Knuckle Joe.

"I think he just wanted to fit in...right Kirby?", MK asked.

"POYO!"

"Well, let's get you out of that..." MK swung Galaxia in the blink of an eye, and the cast fell apart into confetti.

"Hey guys...can I stop?" It was Tac, who had been making steel blocks all the doo-da day.

"Yeah, sure.", said Bio Spark. Tac fell over backwards.

"Well, I think we've got enough blocks.", said Dedede.

"Great, we'll start tomorrow after school.", said MK. "Man, I'm tired...I didn't even do much today."

"Yeah.", began Dedede. "I think I could go for a...a...zzzz..." Everyone but Tac fell over and started dozing.

"Guys?" Tac went over to Bio Spark and nudged him. Bio Spark was a notoriously light sleeper, yet he didn't stir. He went over to Dedede. And then to MK. "What's going on?", Tac asked himself nervously.

* * *

**Back at the dorms:**

Everyone was asleep. All forty-five of them. They lay where ever they had dropped. Reds Pokémon were asleep. So were the Pikmen. Rob was powered down.

A music box on Peach's dresser was playing.

_'Sweet little angel, sleep tonight..._

_Close your eyes and out with the light..._

_Your dreams no longer have delight..._

_INSTEAD THEY ARE CURSED AND FULL OF FRIGHT! GWAHAHAHAHAAA!'_

**END...? P.S. I OWN NOTHING!**

**Uh-oh. What the hell is going on? Will tomorrow's chapter cover it all? Will everyone wake up for the final day of Assessment week?**

**WILL BISHARP ESCAPE THE WORLD OF TROPHIES?!**

**STAY TUNED!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! Told ya I'd have this up today, although it probably isn't what you were expecting...**

**Chapter 9: We've got some complaints...**

Mario: Hello, everyone! It's-a me, Mario! _*Video game fans everywhere go wild*_ Thank-a you, thanks a bunch! Now, we, we being the cast, have-a some complaints and questions. And the only one who-a can answer them is-a our pris-guest Kirby's Squire! (I'm in a chair next to Mario bound hand and foot by irons)

Me: What the hell, man?! I thought you were cool! And what's this about?

Mario: I just-a told you! Now each of the Smashers is-a going to ask you one-a question, starting with me!

Me:...fine.

Mario: Great! Now, what does S.M.A.S.H. stand for?

Me: Special Military Academy for Stars and Heros. Next?

Luigi: Who's-a the ghost in the bathroom?

Mario: There's no...

Me: It's Toon Link.

Toon Link: WHAT?!

Luigi: I should-a have known!

Peach: Why do I have to live with a crazy bird girl?

Me: Because it would be ridiculous if I made you live with a psycho frog man.

Peach: Oh, that makes sense!

Bowser: Why did you give Toon Link a broken leg?

Me: Because I thought I could make some perverted joke in the end, but then I was stumped, and the words were already written, and-

Mario: Next!

DK: When did you first play my franchise?

Me: 2004...ish. Haven't gone back since.

Diddy: Burn!

Gannon: Your franchise too, dumbf*ck!

Diddy: Whatever. My question: What is brown in the summer-

Me: I taught you this one! GTFO!

Yoshi: Where do you first think of when you think 'Yoshi'?

Me: In the pit Mario needed an extra jump to get over.

Zelda: Well that's just rude.

Me: Whatever. You just wait and see what happens to you on the weekend.

Wario: When are you gonna give me a money-making scheme in the story?

Me: Sometime soon, Wario.

Pikachu: Pika, pikapi!

Me: No, Pichu is not coming back!

Pikachu: Pi!

Me: Hey, HEY! This fanfic is rated T, mister!

Red: Why can't I get Pit to like me? _*Breaks down sobbing*_

Me: Because you haven't tried yet!

Red: _*Stops crying instantly_* Oh yeah...

Lucario: Why did you bring Bisharp here?

Me: Gallade basically begged me via text messages.

Lucario and Bisharp: GALLADE!

Gallade: B-but Smash Bros is fun!_ *The three get into an epic fight that tumbles off the stage and out the door*_

Jigglypuff: Jiggly?

Me: I don't like Link that much. _*Whole world gasps in horror*_

Link: WHY?!

Me: I just don't like elves.

Link: I'M NOT A F*CKING ELF!

Me: Go wine to your mommy.

Zelda: Why do you pick on poor Lucario?

Me: I don't. Like I said, Gallade wanted Bisharp to be here.

Gannon: Can I go join those evil guys?

Me: Nope, they actually don't want you.

Gannon: WHY NOT?

Me: Sorry, you used your question.

Toon Link: Can I have a doctor set my leg?

Me: Hmmmmmm...no.

Toon Link: F*CK!

Kirby: Poyo yo?

Me: Yes boss...

Mario: Can you at least-a tell us what he asked?

Me: He asked 'Can you take out the garbage tonight?'.

MK: As tier 1, I want two questions!

Me: Okay. What colour is your underwear?

MK: Pink-I mean I want to _ask_ two questions!

Me: Fine...pink...hehe...

MK: Why is Bio Spark here?

Me: I once looked him up and it said 'he bears a close resemblance to Meta Knight'. That was when I realized he's your cousin! So, I invited him, he said fine, blah blah blah next question!

MK: Still my turn! What the hell did you do with my Halberd?!

Me: I gave it to Galacta Knight.

MK: WHAT?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SHIP IS CAPABLE OF?!

Me: Getting me outta here, so now I kinda regret it...

MK: YOU IDIOT!

D3: My turn! Why did you bring Knuckle Joe here?

Me: Geez, why does everyone hate the newbies? I actually brought him to point out weight issues.

D3: Why?

Me: Try to end world hunger in my own special way!

Samus: Of all the things to annoy me, why Sylux?

Me: Because Captain Falcon said his doctor told him not to provoke you anymore.

Samus: THANK THE STARS!

Me: He doesn't follow doctor orders, y'know...

Samus: Ugh!

Fox: I'm not sure where we are...can you enlighten me?

Me: You tied me in _iron chains_ and brought me here in a _burlap sack_. Ask Mario. But later.

Falco: What did you do to my Arwing?

Me: Toon Link crashed it.

Toon Link: OH COME ON!

Wolf: Why does everyone say I have fleas?

Me: No. NO. I'm not answering this again!

Captain Falcon: _*Puts arm around Samus*_ What do you think we should name our child? _*Samus stands up and kicks him in the crotch, CF falls down crying silently*_

Me: How about 'Angel', cause he/she just died before he/she could break church rules!

Olimar: Why am I short?

Me: How the hell am I supposed to know?!

Ness: Are you a virgin?

Mario: WHAT KIND OF-A SICKO TAUGHT YOU WHAT-A VIRGIN MEANS?! You don't have-a to answer that.

Me: Good. And it was Toon Link.

Mario: Toon Link, GTFO!

Toon Link: Broken leg!? _Hello_, broken leg!?

Lucas: Why are R.O.B. and Roy acting wierd around each other lately?

Me: On Tuesday morning, R.O.B. saw Roy making out with a blow-up doll of Marth. _*Whole world stops spinning*_ Great, see what happened, Mario? I broke the world!

Roy: I-I-I D-D-Did no such thing!

Me: Dude, R.O.B. showed me a recording.

Roy: R.O.B.! _*Lunges at the robot*_

R.O.B.: WhydidyouaddfourSoniccharacters ?AHHHHH! _*Runs off stage and out the door*_

Me: If he comes back alive, someone tell him it was only going to be Tails at first, but then I couldn't think of a fifth Zelda character, hence opening for Knuckles, then I needed someone as fast as Sonic, hence Blaze-

Sonic: She cheats using pyrokinesis!

Me: -and then I added Amy for the heck of it.

Pit: How do you describe being me in Smash Bros?

Me: The pits.

Popo: Why am I suddenly good at gambling?

Me: Author powers.

Nana: Why is my brother an idiot?

Me: When he came out the doctor dropped him.

Nana: On the floor?

Me: In a HazMat bin.

Popo: Oh you guys are _so_ not being serious. Haha, hahahaha, ha...ha?

Me: Sorry, dude.

Popo:...sniff...

Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep? (What was your first video game?) _*Eyes of everyone fixed on me, glinting with hope*_

Me: Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland. _*Hope in eyes dies*_ Pokémon Gold after that.

Sonic: Why am I so f*cking awesome?

Me: Because you're Sonic the f*cking Hedgehog, that's why!

Sonic: You know it!

Me: Yeah!

Snake: Why do I not have someone else to represent my franchise?

Me: Spoiler alert! _*Only Luigi covers his ears*_ He shows up in a couple af chapters.

Waluigi: Expecting a question?

Me and Waluigi: To bad! Waluigi time! Hahaha!

Daisy: What's my Final Smash?

Me: I'm still thinking on it.

Bowser Jr.: Is my dad even _possible_ to kill?

Me: Nintendo has forbidden me to answer that.

Knuckle Joe: Well, since the Pokémon newbies aren't back yet...where do I find sushi?

Me: At the market. _*Joe doesn't get it*_

Bio Spark: When did you first think 'I'm going to write a fanfic'?

Me: My 16th birthday, but I didn't get around to it for like, 360 days... _*Pokémon all walk back in*_ Felling better?

Gallade: Actually, I think I'm gonna puke up blood in a sec...Can I go to the Pokémon Centre?

Me: Sure, buddy.

Toon Link: I hate you!

Me: MK, be a knight and lead him there.

MK: Fine...let's go Gallade. _*Walks out the door with Gallade limping behind him*_

Bisharp: Can I go back to Route 11 yet?

Me: No!

Bisharp: Damn...

Noxus: Why am I even here? I'm not that big a character.

Me: I needed two Metroid Newbies, but Sylux was the only one I really wanted, so, I put all the possible characters names in a hat, and drew yours.

Noxus: Wow, I feel special now...

Me: Hey, there weren't that many good guys in that hat. I'm glad to have a noble and just Vhozon here!

Sylux: What do you think is in this suite of mine?

Me: Well, first of all, it's not yours. It should be Samus's. It's a Federation prototype, but the only one in the Federation who could really use the Lock-Jaw, and therefore the suite, is Samus. You obviously **STOLE IT**.

Sylux: Wow, great deductive skills.

Popo: You forgot to say Sherlock.

Sylux: Not being sarcastic.

Me: Hey, give him some credit for knowing what sarcasm is. After all, _HAZMAT BIN_.

Popo: You suck!

Me: Second of all, I really couldn't say. I mean, your head _FLOATS_.

Sylux: Why yes it does. **_*His head starts spinning around and then stares at Lucas_******* Boo.

Lucas: AHHHHH! _*Collapses into feeble position*_

Me: Nice. Wait...where are Marth and Ike?

Link: Marth went into shock when you answered Lucas's question, and Ike took him to the hospital.

Me: Well, how am I supposed to answer their questions?

Link: Ike wanted to know if he could invite his girlfriend over to _'play'_.

Me: No, no, no!

Link: Marth said he wanted a palace.

Me: No.

Link: Okay, then if you'll please excuse me... _*Turns around and starts drawing devil horns on a picture of me*_

Amy: Why do you not like SonAmy?

Me: Who said that? You'll get him someday.

Amy: Yay! _*Sonic faints*_

Tails: What happened to the Tornado?

Me: Toon Link crashed that, too.

Toon Link: Anyone have a razor blade and an understanding of cutting wrists?

Knuckles: Can I dig to the bathroom real quick?

Me: Why not just walk?

Knuckles: You really don't know where we are?

Me: Fine. _*Knuckles digs through the stage while I look around*_ Heeeey...this is Bunker 17! Why are we in an incomplete nuclear shelter?

Mario: Blaze set your old stage on fire. _*I glare at Blaze*_

Blaze: Uh...on a scale of 1 to 10, how much trouble am I in?

Me: _**62**_

Blaze: Crap...

Krystal: Well, I guess I'm the only one left...so...um...oh! How did that music box put us to sleep?

Me: Darkrai. Well, if that's all- _*Roy and R.O.B. crash through the ceiling, which is impressive, cause, you know, nuclear shelter*_ Oh my God! R.O.B.!

Roy: Can you sleep with one eye open?

Me: Uh...no?

Roy: Good...

Me: Mario, get me outta here! NOW!

Mario: We'll-a see you guys next time!

**END. P.S. I OWN NOTHING!**

**Warning! Next chapter isn't funny!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AM I BACK? NO. NOPE. I GOT NOTHING. JACK SQUAT...NAH! I'M JUST MESSING WITH YA!**

**SYLUX: WHY WOULD YOU WRITE A HUMOURLESS CHAPTER IN A COMEDY FANFIC?**

**FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT ****_TOTALLY _****HUMOURLESS. AND SECOND OF ALL, BECAUSE I NEEDED TO TEST MY SKILL IN WRITING OTHER STUFF.**

**SYLUX: SO, YOU DECIDED TO KILL THE MOOD OF THE ENTIRE FIC?**

**YEP! AND NOW...**

**Chapter 10: A night of self-reflection.**

Popstar Embassy:

Tac was terrified. They just collapsed and started sleeping. Who does that? No one, that's who! "C'mon, guys! This isn't funny!" No reply. "I don't get it! What could have done this?" He grasped his head and squeezed. "Think...think..." Then it hit him. "The Fountain! That's it! It must be the Fountain of Dreams! But...who could mess with the Fountain of Dreams? It's not easy...no, it's near impossible! Think Tac...Nightmare is dead...who else could it be...no Kirby killed him...she's dead too...AGH! It doesn't make sense! Wait...Nightmare...or...!" Tac began a panic attack. "Nononononono! It's not possible! But it has to be! It's DARKRAI!" *And...cue scary thunder!* He bolted to the dorms, getting there so fast I don't need to put a line and say 'Meanwhile, at the dorms:' Tac couldn't believe it. Everyone was asleep! "Not good...not good! What do I do...wait, why aren't I asleep?" Tac wasn't very observant of obviousness. So...yeah, let's just wait for a while.

Two hours later...

"...Is it because I'm cooler than them?...No...no one is cooler than Captain Falcon..."

One hour later...

"...Is it because I'm tougher than them...hmm..." He walked over to Gannondorf and poked him. If you expected Gannondorf to hilariously punch him, sending him through the wall, you'll be disappointed when I tell you he did that. EXACTLY THAT. "Well...it's not...ugh..."

Another hour later...*Hint please?* *Roster*

"I'm not on the roster! That's it! Darkrai is targeting the Smashers for some reason...but, I thought Darkrai was a Pokémon...why would a Pokémon do something so sinister...ugh...I'll never understand...I need help...HeadMaster Hand!"

* * *

Inside Captain Falcon's dream...

'C'mon, Douglas...one last lap...' CF was back at the Grand Prix, and he was tearing up the track! He was at least 3 laps ahead of everyone else, and the goal was within reach...then he heard something...

"I'm gonna fly like Captain Falcon, mommy!"

"Jamie! NO!" CF slammed the brakes. Slammed them like never before. He slowed down, but that just allowed him to see it coming...

"Kid, get off the road!" CRASH. "NO!" Falcon jumped out of his car as it went skidding on its side. He didn't even look back at the explosion as it hit the wall. "KID! KID!" He dashed towards the child and collapsed on his knees. "No...NO!" He doubled over and slammed his fist into the ground. He picked up the child's body. The surrounding area grew dark...then it got totally black. "Kid...wake up...please..."

"It's hard being the guilty one, isn't it?", said a ghostly voice. CF turned around and saw a sight that brought his heart into his mouth: the Grim Reaper.

"A-Are you here...for this one...or..."

"I'm not taking your soul, Douglas. I don't even want one as wretched as yours." CF was confused, but it didn't show because of his terrified and guilty mood. "You, a man who inspires freedom and self-expression. Look what your 'inspiration' has done to that child. He went out in the way you inspired: Showing you his moves. It sickens me."

"You...you're...right..."

"I know you see yourself as a man of awesomeness, but just look at your ego!" The Reaper struck the boy with his scythe. The boy's soul lifted out of his body at the same time his corpse turned to dust and scattered in the wind. "The deed is done. Now, if you'll excuse me..." He vanished, leaving a black, smokey outline behind to fade away. But his voice was still there. "Maybe you should take off your helmet and leave it off. You're a disgrace." CF's eyes began to water. A single tear ran down his cheek and he reached for his helm...

* * *

Inside Meta Knight's dream...

A peaceful breeze blew from the east. Meta sat on the cliff, watching the waves of Orange Ocean roll in. No matter when you came here, it looked like sunset. It was always beautiful. Absolutely beautiful...

"Ah, so nice here...isn't it, Galaxia?" The sword didn't speak, but he knew the sword was alive. The living blade for those worthy...Galaxia. "I don't think I could ever get rid of this sight, no matter what."

"Nice to know you have mercy towards the enemy regime." Meta swung around and saw none other than the Grim Reaper. "Y-you can't be here for me...I'm to young and healthy." Meta sheathed his sword. "Why do you appear before me?"

"To shed light on your poor loyalty towards chivalry."

"You dare?!" He lunged at the figure of death, with predictable results. The Reaper simply caught him in mid lunge and hurled him off the cliff. Meta opened his cape and his wings came out. He glided back up the cliff. As he went over the top, the Reaper slashed his wings with his scythe. Meta spiraled down, crashing onto the shore of a rocky tidal pool. Pain went surging through his body and he screamed in pain. He lay there, panting. He felt like his insides had exploded. The Reaper floated down from the cliff and landed on the ground beside him.

"Now maybe you'll listen. You obviously lack a knightly code. Where is your lord?"

"I...I haven't...got one...yet..."

"'Love the country of your birth.' Your goal is to destroy the regime of Dedede and establish your own. How is that loyalty?"

"..."

"One last thing...even if you do crush the regime, what would you do to the land?"

"Establish towns...the world would be changed...a Popstar Empire...all of Gamble Galaxy...ours..."

"'Ours?' You speak as though you intend to share power." The Reaper leaned closer. "Who with?"

"...I don't seek take-over, but...revolution..."

"Mercy towards the enemy. Strike three. You don't deserve this." He reached for the hilt of Galaxia, and drew the sword from its sheath.

"No...no..." Meta leapt up and grabbed the sword, but received a powerful electric bolt when he did. He screamed in pain, and collapsed onto the ground, gasping for breath.

"Vile creature." He kicked Meta into the tidal pool. He layed there, face to the sky, barely breathing. "Even your sword doesn't see you as worthy anymore." He threw it on the ground beside Meta. "I won't take it, but you know you can no longer pick it up." And the Reaper poofed out, black smokey shadow left behind. "If you were a real knight, you'd appreciate the simple joys of life, instead of relying on a sword."

Meta crawled out of the pool and coughed up water. He looked at the sword. He reached for it. It slid away. Meta put his hand down. He turned around and looked at his reflection in the orange water. _'Galaxia...'_

* * *

Inside Mario and Luigi's Dream...wait...wha...?

"It's-a the year of Luigi!", Luigi yelled before dancing around. He was at his house, and he was obviously overjoyed. "Hey, Mario! Get down here!", he yelled up the stairs.

"I'm-a coming, sheesh!" He slid down the banister and began to dance with his bro. After about 5 minutes, Mario had an idea. "Hey, remember that-a dance we wanted to-a do?" Luigi's eyes opened wide.

"You don't-a mean..."

1 minute later...

"Ladies and-a gentlemen...introducing...the New Super Idiot Bros!" Mario came sliding out of the kitchen wearing nothing but a white buttoned shirt and a pair of tighty whities. Oh, my mistake. As he turned around, I saw that he was wearing a pair of shades. He was looking at an audience of cardboard cut-outs of practically every one of their friends, from Peach to Goombella to Link to Geno and a horribly mutilated Bowser. Luigi slid out wearing the same crap as Mario. As they began to dance, the wall broke into a million splinters of wood with a large boom. "What-a the..."

"This is the Mario Bros home?", said a ghoulish voice. "How pathetic..." Luigi was terrified. Mario stood firm. The Grim Reaper simply floated.

"Who the hell do you-a think you are?!"

"I think I'm the Grim Reaper, and I'm here for Luigi..."

"No! Take Bowser instead!" He pointed at the deformed cut-out.

"Oh geez...you guys are sickos!"

"What-a are you talking about?", Mario asked. "That's a prop from-a the world peace play in-a the Toad Town Kindergarten class-a."

"Oh, remember-a when the guy in the Toadsworth costume mauled Bowser with a stalk of celery?"

"Oh yeah! That wasn't-a as funny as the children dancing around-a him dressed as-a angels singing hallelujah, though!"

"Haha! Oh, then-a when God and-a Satan invented purgatory so neither of-a them would have-a to look at him ever again?"

"HAHAHAHA! Yeah...that-a was awesome...oh, then when-a the little girl-"

"SILENCE!" Mario took up a fighting stance and Luigi cringed in fear. "You are coming with me, green-bean!"

"No!", screamed Mario as he caught the scythe by the shaft right before the blade hit Luigi. "Stay-a away from my bro!" Mario jumped up and spin-kicked the shaft, breaking it apart. The Reaper tried to strike Mario with his bony, clawed fingers, but Mario side-stepped. "I could-a use some help here!"

"I'm-a coming!" Luigi began shooting fireballs and kicked the Reaper in his face.

"That's it! I'm done fooling around with you two! Graaaa!" At that moment, the world went gray. Everything stopped moving. Mario and Luigi were stuck in mid-air, and they and the Reaper were the only things not gray.

"What-a is going on?", screamed Luigi.

"Release-a me and fight fair, you-a sicko!"

"I'm death. And like life..." He struck Luigi with his clawed hands, causing Luigi's body to disintegrate and his soul to leave, moaning 'Marioooo!' Mario watched his bro vanish in horror, the only thing surviving being his hat.

"...death isn't fair."

"NO! LUIGI! BRING HIM BACK-A YOU SICK BASTERD! YOU CAN'T DO-A THIS!"

"He can't come back because he belongs to the Underthere now. His game...is over. If you were only stronger...I might have lost."

"You can't guilt trip-a me, you monster! You will be sorry!"

"I am already. It was your fault he was dying. You fed him poison mushrooms."

"That-a isn't true, vile being!"

"It is. You doubt the word of Death itself?" No answer from the plumber. The Reaper poofed away. "You learn from mistakes. But mistakes always cost a price..."

The room regained colour. Mario fell to the floor. He grabbed Luigi's hat and clung to it tightly. He closed his eyes as he began tearing up. "Luigi...come back..."

* * *

Inside Link's Dream...

"I'm soooo bored...", said Link as he slumped in Epona's saddle. "It's soooo boring here...ugh...all my enemies are dead already...I hate my lives..." He slumped lower. "Hyrule field is so boring..." Lower. "Clock Town is so boring..." Lower. "The Lumpy Pumpkin is so boring..." LOWER. "Hehe, Lumpy Pumpkin..." He got a bit higher. "Annnnnnnd...bored again..." Lower. "Oh, I know, I should ask someone out!", he said as he rose up all perky.

"HEY!"

"Oh Naru..." Navi popped out and started talking.

"Listen! I think-"

"_I think_ I didn't press up on the C-pad!"

"You never do that any more!"

"That's because you never shut up!"

"That's because it takes a lot to get through your thick skull!"

"What do you want?!"

"I want you to remember you're dating someone!"

"Zelda broke up with me yesterday!"

"Whaaat?!"

"Yeah, she said I don't listen when girls are talking to me."

"I can believe that..."

"SHUT. UP."

"MAKE. ME."

"Get back in the hat! And while you're at it, get me this months rent!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, I don't owe you any money for sleeping in your hair! It's filthy anyways!"

"Showers haven't been invented yet!"

"Neither have relative dimensions, but you still have infinite space under your shield!"

"Go nag Red then! He doesn't have a limit on his bag!"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Navi flew under Link's shield.

"Hey, get out of there!" Navi flew out with the Megaton hammer. "What are you doing?!"

"SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO!" She raised the hammer as Link cringed in his saddle. CLUNK! Navi hit herself. "Nighty-night..." She fainted and fell on the ground.

"Ugh! Freakin' finally! Now, who to go ask out..."

"Link? Is that you?" Link turned around to see Malon of in the distance..

"Hey Malon!" He spurred Epona forward. As he drew closer, something weird started to happen. Malon went from looking 20 to thirty...and the forty...then eighty...and then...

"Oh my Din! MALON!" Link spurred forward at top speed. By the time he got there, Malon was a decayed corpse. "Malon! Malon!" She decayed to the point of being a skeleton, then fell into a pile of bones. "MALON!"

"Don't act surprised. It always ends this way." Link turned around and saw the Reaper.

"YOU! YOU DID THIS!"

"Of course I did. And I've done it before."

"What kind of sick-"

"Listen to me. It always ends this way. You are born, you grow up, slay evil, become a hero, and finally die. Then, you, Zelda, and Gannondorf all come back to life, but no one else does. You three are always reborn. Everyone else dies but once. You sit there and watch people grow old as you draw comfort from your own immortality. And it sickens me."

"I didn't ask for this!"

"But you have it." The scene changed from the field to Hyrule city. "Look around you, what do you see?" Link saw rapid life spans. One moment, there were kids at the bazaar asking for candy, then they were adults who turned away and walked home, then they were piles of dust being blown away in the wind. "You can't enjoy life anymore because you've seen it all. You will always endure the sands of time so long as Din, Faroe, and Naru look out for you, but no one else has those beings to comfort them like that. They pray, but don't always have their prayers answered." He poofed out. "Go rot in a hole, immortal. Oh wait...you can't."

Link watched people die non-stop. "Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!"

* * *

Samus's Dream:

"I choose you, Pikachu!", said Samus as she threw the Pokeball towards centre stadium. *Wait, why am I a Pokemon Trainer?* *I'm getting to it, geez.* *AM I DRESSED AS A LASS?!* *Oh god! HELP!*

-  
Samus's Dream: Take 2

Samus, the awesome person she is, was in her awesome ship flying through space to a strange world that wished to join in the Federation that Samus made awesome by being in it. *Can I stop sucking up now?* *I'm still in a skirt!* *You wouldn't take it off!* *Because you won't type me up my Power Suit!* *Busy working!* *Get bent!* Suddenly, a wormhole opened up right in front of her ship and she flew right in.

"What the hell?!" Sparks flew from the walls of the wormhole and struck the ship on all fronts. "Increase power to shields..." A bright flash enveloped everything. "Aaah!"

Next thing she knew, she was lifting her head off the ground. "Ugh...what...ugh..." She put her hand on her head and opened her eyes. The world around her was bleak. A barren planet with what looked like a space colony. And a familiar one at that... "This...this can't be..." Her mouth opened in terror. She was...home. She stood up, but as she did, she realized something. Her Power Suit was gone. Not only that, but everything of hers was gone. All that she had was her skin-tight jumpsuit and her scrunchie. "What's going on?" She looked around. It was a ghost town. It was her home, but it looked...devastated. The houses were burnt. There were bodies in the street. A cloud of dust was settling. It looked like something had exploded within the hour. "This can't...no. No. This isn't real! It's all fake! It can't be real!"

"Samus?" That voice...Samus turned around to meet it. It was...her mother.

"M-mum?" She was tearing up. "N-no...it's not..." Her will broke. "Mum!" She ran towards her mother at record pace. Her mom collapsed to her knees as Samus hugged her, burying her face and sobbing.

"There there...it's all right...mummy is here..."

"Don't leave! Please! Never leave me again!"

"I'm not going anywhere..." But promises are made to be broken.

"Gyaah!" Ridley swept in and seized Samus's mother. At supersonic speed, he flew away.

"NO! MUMMY!" She gave chase. Unfortunately, even Chozo DNA wasn't good enough, and Ridley was over the horizon in a matter of seconds. "NO! NO, NO, NO! NOT AGAIN! GET BACK HERE YOU BASTERD!" She tripped and fell flat on her face. She sobbed into the dirt. "Come back..."

"Family binds us together." Samus looked up. "You're not like the others. I pity you."

"I...died. That's it. I died in that wormhole and now you're using me to get your kicks."

"Believe what you want. I don't care. Your family is gone, and you've no reason to fight." Samus leapt up and seized the Reaper's scythe, yanking it from his grip.

"I always have a reason to keep fighting."

"So it seems. Just listen."

"Why should I? I've got nothing to hear."

"But I've something to say. Family holds society together, and it can tear it apart. A scuffle, and battle, a war. All things we fight for family. But you have an endless war with Ridley and the Space Pirates."

"I'm fighting for justice."

"You're fighting for revenge. In fact, it's more than revenge. You fight them out of pure hatred. Pure, sheer hatred. I actually admire it a bit. Any human being with that much hatred would indeed make a good soldier. A perfect soldier. It's a passion I haven't seen since the Crusades. Men leaving their homeland to smash a whole race just because one man says it's right...that is the passion of a good soldier."

"What's your angle?"

"You gear every fibre of your being towards the destruction of the Space Pirates. You love nothing. It's not because you have a black heart. It's not because you have nothing to love. It's just because you have all of your energy dedicated to destroying them. You are full of pure, seething hatred." The Reaper vanished without his scythe. "You keep it. After all, you kill enough people to use it. Gyahahah!" Samus looked at the instrument of Death.

"No...NO!" She threw the scythe away. But it floated up off the ground and put itself back in her hands. "NO! GO AWAY!" She threw it again. As it floated back up, she began to run. It gave chase. "NO! STAY AWAY! I'M NOT DEATH!"

* * *

Lucario's dream...

Lucario was in the forest. The great forest he grew up in. He walked down the path, taking in the wonderful scenery. He sat and closed his eyes, breathing in the air. No matter what happened, he would always love this place. "To bad it will be over soon..." He got up and started walking down the path. Then he saw it...the clearing he had always come to play in with Ralts...until he grew up and Ralts became Gallade. But there was someone else in the clearing today...

"Ah, Lucario, I've been looking forward to meeting you." The Reaper floated closer, the grass he passed over wilting into black, decayed matter.

"Well, I guess you don't know the meaning of 'meet'." The Reaper stopped dead *I get it!* in his tracks.

"What do you mean?"

"Meeting me in a dream is like meeting me over the phone. We're not really together."

"What makes you so sure this is a dream?" The Reaper sounded a bit worried.

"Simple. Even in a dream, I blink. And when my eyes are closed..." He used Extreme Speed and seized the Reaper by the arm. "...I'm _supposed_ to see the aura of all living things." He Force Palmed the Reaper right in the chest. The Reaper went flying back, and his illusion was shattered. "Hello, Darkrai."

"More intelligent than you look, hmm? I mean, where did you get those looks? Your mother?"

"At least I didn't inherit the looks of the moon. I didn't think you could have so many craters." *That's not in the script...but it's good...*

"Hmph." They began circling the centre of the clearing, staring each other down all the while.

"How's the memory loss?"

"What do you know about that?"

"Palkia shattered the Dimensional Hole you were traveling in. You should be totally lost, wandering without a purpose."

"I found someone who knew the secrets of the mind. He brought my memory back from the edges of time and space."

"Who?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. But, that isn't any of your business."

"I'm still confused about why you're targeting me. Why not go after Palkia himself?"

"I'm actually targeting all the Smashers." Lucario stopped, and Darkrai followed suit.

"Why?"

"Testing all of your wills. And might I add, they aren't very strong."

"Everyone suffers in a nightmare, you should know that."

"I do. But this isn't the kind of nightmare I usually make."

"What did you do? Mess with the Fountain of Dreams?" Lucario chuckled. Darkrai sat there, more serious than ever. Lucario ended his lax mood. "You didn't?!"

"Ah, but I did."

"Those fountains harbour dangers you can't fight, Darkrai. I learned this from Meta Knight: A demon of dark powers rests in them."

"You think I'll buy that?"

"How did you even get into that universe? You need someone from there!"

"Oh, I've got an aquatance who was more than happy to let me in. Oh...but look at the time..." Lucario turned around to see the sun setting. "That sun and the sun in the World of Trophies are in sync. I really should be going..."

"NO!" Lucario once again used Extreme Speed, but Darkrai vanished.

"I don't think I'll be doing this again. But just you wait, I'll be back...with my allies..." The world began to crack. The sky began to fade, and the world around Lucario literally shattered like a glass bowl. Lucario began to fall towards the bottom of the void. He fell...and...he hit the ground.

**End...? P.S. I OWN NOTHING!**

**SYLUX: BOO! HISS!**

**SHUT UP!**


End file.
